Dear Andy
by tildesletten
Summary: Sam is alone at the Penny, and Andy is on her way to UC. How will Sam react, what will he do? What happens when she returns? Post 3x13.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue, any of its characters, content and so on and so forth. I am just borrowing these amazing characters, and putting them into my own universe.

This is my very first fan fiction story, so I am really nervous. Reviews are highly appreciated, and I cannot wait to hear your opinions. At this moment I have no idea where I am going with this story, and how long it is going to turn out. Feel free to comment on any irregularities when it comes to Police-stuff, UC- stuff or similar things, because all I know I have learned on TV…

This picks up at the end of 3x13. Sam is alone at the Penny, and Andy is on her way to UC. As said, at the moment I have no idea where I am going with this story, so bear with me.

* * *

Every time the door swung open, his eyes darted in the direction, and every time he got more and more anxious. What if she did not show? What if she had meant it when she said it was too late? He cursed himself for being stupid enough to brush the seriousness of what he was saying at first with his 206 bones, and Grey's Anatomy. However, she had not said no. She had not bluntly refused to give him a second chance.

The door swung open again, and as on cue his eyes flew across the room to see who it was. Once again his heart, his cold, stupid heart, sunk to his stomach. It was Peck. Her eyes scanned the entire room, no doubt looking for someone.

"What are you… drinking alone?" Gail said with a small smirk on her face.

"Looks that way," Sam responded disappointed while searching the room with his eyes quickly one more time.

"Have you seen Nick at all?" Her voice sounded a bit concerned. Sam could tell she was anxious.

"No, sorry." Sam hated to admit it, but he felt bad for Gail. If she had the same feeling inside like ha had now, she needed a drink. "You know what? Let's celebrate, till Nick gets here!" Sam tried to say it with a bit of enthusiasm, but to be truthful he had a bad feeling about this. He shoved one of the shots over to her.

Gail looked like she considered it for a few seconds before caving inn. "Alright, but only because you seem so lonely and pathetic here by yourself."

"Tell me again why the rookies don't like you…" Sam said with a smirk before they both downed their shot. Sam wanted to ask Gail if she had seen Andy, but he was pretty sure she would not know where she was anyway.

* * *

Luke was giving his final instructions, and Andy was doing her best to pay attention to him. When he had asked if there was anything else she wanted taken care of, she had wanted to say "Sam". She wanted him to know that she was not leaving because of him, but because she needed this. If she was ever going to be able to move forwards - with or without him - she needed this.

"… zero contact." Andy's mind flew instantly to Sam's last UC, the Brennan case. She meeting him, being in his apartment, it had almost gotten him killed. Even though it was mostly Boyd's fault, she knew in that instant how important the no contact rule had to be this time. There was no way she could call Sam, let him know where she would be, let him know if she had shown at the Penny had she not gotten the UC. Would she have shown? She was not sure herself. It had all happened so sudden, so she kind of did not have the time to consider.

"Okay, that's him." Luke nodded his head towards the car that pulled up behind them. Andy turned in her seat. This was it. She was actually doing this. The fact that Nick was coming along made things a bit brighter. At least she had someone to lean on.

"Good luck!" Luke looked straight in to her eyes. She did not return his smile, but unbuckled her belt and got out. She slid into the waiting car, and re-buckled. They exchanged a few words with the driver who would be their handler, and connection to the outer world.

As they pulled away from the curb, Nick said; "So, you ready to say good bye to your old life?" She let the situation run through her head for a few seconds before replying.

"Yeah, I guess I am." She really was. She needed this, both to prove to herself, and to the world, that she was good at her job. To prove that she could manage without someone holding her hand, and keeping her safe. She needed time to think, and if there was one thing you got while undercover, it was time to think.

* * *

"I don't think he's coming" Gail said with a defeated tone in her voice. "I think we're drinking alone." She looked over at Sam, who threw one last glance around the room. Why was she not here? Sam motioned for the barman to bring them another round of shots.

"To drinking alone." Sam raised his glass and looked at Gail, who took the other one. Together they downed their shots, and sat there in silence a while longer. Neither was willing to give up on the possibility of their person walking through that door and them not being there.

"I'm gonna go home, and drink another bottle of tequila" Gail announced before she stood up. "See you in the morning." She grabbed her jacket, and turned for the door. Right before she left she turned to Sam. "I'm sorry she didn't turn up."

"Me too," Sam said, not quite willing to give up yet. What if something had happened and she was just late. Or in the hospital? God, what if she was in the hospital? Sam's head was working overtime, doing exactly what he told her so many times not to do. Don't overthink it. He was such a hypocrite. When the bar was almost empty, and the barman announced that they were closing up. Sam slid slowly of his chair, and grabbed his jacket. Defeated he made his way to his truck. Was this it?

As he started on his way home, he was just driving on autopilot. Without knowing it, he had turned right towards Andy's apartment. Suddenly he found himself outside, just staring up at the dark windows. He had a long discussion with himself, contemplating whether or not to go knock on her door. It was nearly 2 a.m., and their shift started at 7 a.m. He really needed to get some sleep, and so did she. It had been a long and eventful day, if you could call it that.

* * *

The next morning came way too soon for Sam's liking. If he added the time of sleep he may have gotten three hours of restless sleep. It was definitely going to be a long day at work, not to mention facing Andy again. He was nervous, like really, jittery, on edge nervous. Was she not showing up the final rejection?

As Sam drove in to the precinct parking lot, he still had not found what to say to Andy when they came face to face. He would just have to wing it. Oh crap, he was totally going to blow it, again. In the locker room he had not found the right words and decided to wing it, and look where that got him. Anyway, he had meant what he said. He would show her, he would do everything, anything, as long as she would give him a chance.

When he did not see her as he walked in to the station, he decided to wait till after parade. After parade he would tell her. Tell her everything on his mind; tell her how much she means to him. How she is everything. He did not know exactly how yet, but he could not lose her again. Not that she was his to lose at the moment, but he had to try.

As he sat down in the back of the room, he scanned the crowd. No Andy. Where the hell was she? A bad feeling had started growing in his gut. Something was off. As Best started parade, there was still no sign of her. Sam kept darting eyes at everyone, especially Best, who had done his best to avoid Sam's glare. Nash looked confused, while she was scanning the crowds, and throwing worried looks towards the door. Peck looked hung over. She had probably had her date with the tequila bottle when she got home, not that he could blame her.

"Nash/Williams, Shaw/Epstein, Peck booking and Swarek/Diaz front desk. McNally and Collins are out on assignment." Sam's eyes grew wide at the realization. She had gone. Left. She had taken the UC, and God knows what will happen to her. Sam felt anger build up, and he threw his worst glare at Best who finally looked at him. "Serve, protect and do _not_ do anything stupid." The last one was directed at Sam. Sam just shook his head as people left the room. He could tell that Best wanted to bolt for the door, but even Frank knew that he would have to talk to Sam eventually. Might as well get it over with.

"Swarek," Best started as Sam approached him. "Sam, don't" Best tried to be firm, but he knew it was going to be a fight. It was going to be a struggle till she got home, she had to come home.

"Where the hell is she?" Sam said as controlled as he could, but his jaw was clenching and hands fisting as he came closer.

"You know that I can't tell you that." Frank looked intently at his friend. He could see that he was hurting, hell everybody knew he was hurting. The last thing he wanted to do was to take McNally away from him, but she had said yes to this by herself, and there was nothing he could have done to prevent it.

"Frank?" Sam glared at him. He wanted to punch something. He wanted to go out and find her. Tell her how stupid and dangerous this was. Tell her how much he loved her, how much he needed her. Frank just shook his head.

"Don't do anything stupid Sam." He looked intently at his friend. He hated to pull rank, but he needed Sam to not look for Andy. It could be dangerous for the both of them. "Don't put her in any more danger than she's already in." He could see by the change in Sam's face that he had gotten somewhat through to him.

Sam knew Frank was right. Him looking for her could get her killed, it could get them both killed. Not that he cared all that much about himself at that second. His mind wandered back to the Brennan case for a second, and if he was to be the cause of something like that happening to Andy, he would never forgive himself.

"I won't do anything stupid," Sam said quietly. "but don't you for one second think that I am happy about this." He promised himself at that moment that if she got home safe, he would never let her go again. All he wanted to do was to find Luke Callaghan and beat the living crap out of him for sending Andy UC, but he knew deep inside, she had probably asked for this. She would not do it if she did not want to.

* * *

The shift was probably the longest and most painful in his entire life. Not only were Andy gone, but he had nothing to distract himself with. Working the desk was not exactly the most exciting job, and the more spare time he got, the more could he contemplate the different ways of Andy's UC going south. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got with himself. Angry that he could not say the words until her hand was clenching around a bomb. Angry that he had pushed her away when he needed her the most. Angry that he never found the right moment or the right words to tell her everything he felt, everything he thought, everything he knew she needed to know.

After shift Oliver came searching for him in the locker room. "How you holding up, brother?"

Sam shrugged, and looked away. "I don't know man." He was feeling defeated, and all he really wanted was to go home and drink a bottle of scotch. No, all he wanted was Andy, but since that was out of the question he would have to do with a bottle of scotch.

"You know she is coming back, right? It's going to be OK." Oliver tried to calm his nerves a bit, and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Sam?" Sam looked up and Oliver could see the hurt in his eyes. "She is going to be fine". Sam nodded distantly, and packed his bag before heading out without a word.

At home he sat staring at the bottle. He had taken a few sips, and even though drunk seemed like the best state of mind right now, he was reluctant to take another sip. Suddenly an idea flew into his head. If he could not say it, maybe he could write it. In that way the words would be the way he meant them to be, instead of the way they always seemed to clutter and make a bigger mess when he tried to say them out loud.

He grabbed a pen and a notepad, and sat down in the couch. _Dear Andy…_

* * *

So let me know what you think, and while you're at it throw me some ideas. I have no clue how long it's going to be, what is going to happen or even if I am cut out for this writing thing, but how can you know if you never even try?


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Andy – Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue, any of its characters or awesomeness, however I have borrowed them and put them into my little universe. All mistakes are mine, unfortunately.

Thank you so much for the reviews/follows and so on and so forth! They are really an amazing motivation to keep writing.

* * *

Sam started and threw away more sheets of paper than he could count. He always found his words to be wrong in some way or another. They could either be misinterpreted or they did not share the immensity of his feelings or they simply were not good enough. At last Sam found the words he was looking for. He scribbled them down on the piece of paper, and folded it. Scrambling through a drawer he found an envelope and sealed it.

Suddenly it hit him. What were he supposed to do with the letter? Give them to her when she returned? _Hey, got some letters for ya. Hope you enjoyed you UC. I didn't. _No, way. Put them in her mailbox? Eventually someone would get her mail, but what if they opened it thinking it was a bill or something. He could not risk anyone else then her reading this. Carefully he scribbled on the outside. _Andy_. He also wrote a small number one in the top left corner. He had a feeling it would turn out to be more than one letter.

He stood up, and started walking towards the door. Right before he reached it, he turned around. Started pacing back and forth, running a hand through his hair. He stopped and looked down at his letter. If he did not do something now, he would probably chicken out and not give it to her. He had said he would do everything, anything. This was him doing _something._ He grabbed his car keys of the table, and headed for the truck.

* * *

_Last night_

_As they pulled up outside an apartment their handler turned towards them. "Here." He put a disposable cell phone in her hand. "Emergencies only!" He looked at both of them, and they nodded. "You remember how meetings are set up, and everything?" They nodded once more. "Keep all contact with me to a minimum, but if you have to find me or contact me, you know how." Andy looked at Nick, and they both took a deep breath. "Okay, good luck!"_

_Andy stepped out in the cold night air. She could hear Nick's door slam shut, and then the car pulled away. The both looked at each other. "Ready for this, Sally?" Nick said with a smile._

_"Yup. As ready as I'll ever be, Eric." She returned his smile, but it did not quite reach her eyes. She knew she was doing the right thing for herself, but she could not help but let her mind wander to Sam, and him sitting there at the Penny._

They had just gotten through the door when Andy spun around to face Nick. "That went fine, right? We did good?" Andy had this insecure expression all over her face. It had just landed there, because earlier Nick had been surprised by her abilities to transform into a character. "Because I felt like I was such a horrible liar, and that they could read COP all over my face, but they seemed to buy it, right? They bought it?" Her hands flew all over the place, while her rambling continued.

Nick put a hand on her shoulder. "Sally, Andy, it went fine." He locked his eyes on her. "The worst part is over. We're in." Andy seemed to relax, and her face calmed a little. Their job that night was to make contact with their target, Aaron York. Nick would pose as Eric Jones, a lowlife drug dealer from the US, coming to Canada to start over. His sister, Sally, was with him. He supposedly wanted to protect her from some guys from his old life. Nick and Andy figured it would be easier for them to pose as brother and sister than a couple.

They were going to get into Aaron York's business and gather as much info as they could about him and his crew, how he received his supplies, link him to a bunch of murders and most important; take him down when the time came. York was one of the biggest suppliers in Toronto, up there with Anton Hill and the rest of them. Not to mention all the weapons he distributed. It was a high risk job, because York rarely let people close enough to make a proper bust, and they never got close enough to take down his suppliers. Andy and Nick were going to stop that, no matter how long time it would take.

"We're in?" Andy looked up at him, and her brows furrowed

"OK, not in. But we're on our way. I think he bought our story, and that's most important right now. We've got all the time in the world. OK?" Nick looked down at her, trying to figure out what was going on in her head.

"OK." Andy turned around and plopped down on the couch. "Who knew acting could be so exhausting?"

Nick contemplated saying _Swarek_, but caught himself in it before the words left his mouth. He had no idea how much they had talked about UC jobs. Nick went over to the small kitchen in their tiny apartment and got them each a beer.

They were quiet for a long while, both thinking about today's events, and their previous lives. God, it terrified Andy to think of it as a previous life. Not that she was regretting leaving and taking the job, but it was scary to think about how the world would continue without them. How people would live their lived in spite of them not being there. She was worried that Traci would never forgive her for leaving. Scared that Sam would move on without her. Who was she kidding? He had every right to move on. She had told him it was too late. She didn't show at the Penny. Still, she hoped that we would wait for her. At least wait till they could have a real talk, then they could figure out what this was.

"What's on your mind?" Nick's voice broke the silence that surrounded them.

"Nothing," Andy lied. It was written all over her face. Obviously she could only lie as Sally, not as Andy.

"You're lying." Nick said, still staring at the wall in front of them.

"Yup," Andy popped the p.

"So, what were you thinking about?" When Andy did not answer, he guessed. "Swarek?"

Andy froze for a second. Was it that obvious? Tired she just nodded her head. He was her break-up buddy, no wonder he guessed.

"It's just…." She started. "It's like our timing sucks, all the time. And…" She trailed off. "I don't know."

"Well, don't ask me. Gail is going on her trip to Europe. If she wasn't going, I'm not sure I'd be here… What about you? Would you go if you were still together?" He looked at her. He wanted answers. He could not help her get over it if he did not know what she was thinking, but he had a feeling that this would not pass.

Andy suddenly remembered Nick did not know about Sam professing his love for her the day before. "Honestly?" She looked at Nick who nodded. "I don't know. But I went, so…"

In silence they sat there a while longer. "I'm gonna go to bed, so…" Andy stood up. "Good night!"

"Good night, Sally" Nick smiled at her, and this time she was almost able to return a full smile.

* * *

Sam drove around for nearly an hour, just to gather up the courage to go through with his plan. He would give his letter to Oliver. Oliver could give them to Andy, when she returned. If he gave it to Oliver, there was no way he was getting it back without shooting him, so he knew that he could not chicken out. As he pulled up outside of his house, Oliver stepped out through the front door and approached his truck.

"Hey, brother! What was so damn important you could not wait till morning?" Oliver said with a smirk, knowing it probably was extremely important for Sam to call him like that.

Sam reached across to the passenger side and grabbed the letter. He held it out to Oliver, who just looked stunned at him. "I need you to give this to Andy when she comes back." Oliver reached out, but Sam pulled it away. "You cannot, under any circumstances, tell anyone about it! And if I want it back…" Sam trailed off for a second. "…don't give it to me, OK?" Sam looked at his friend, his brother.

"OK, if you want it you're going to have to kill me first." Oliver nodded, realizing Sam was serious. Sam was still hesitant to give it to Oliver. He knew that the instant it was out of his hand, there was no going back.

"Just…" Sam started again. "There might be more than one, so you need to find a good hiding place, OK? I don't want anyone to know about this." As Oliver nodded again, Sam slowly released the death grip he had on the letter.

"You got it bad, brother." As Sam glared at him, Oliver changed his tone. "This is a good thing, Sam. It's going to be fine." Sam just nodded before he rolled up his window and pulled away. _Oh, God! He did it!_

As Sam came closer to his house, he started regretting it more and more. At the same time, he was kind of relieved. It had helped him in some way, to write down what he was feeling. Putting it in the right words, the right way. He decided to keep writing. He had already told Oliver there might be more than one letter, and if that was the only way he could feel connected to her while she was away, he would take it.

* * *

As Andy stared up at the ceiling in her room, her thoughts started playing in her head. Going over all the different scenarios, how they would play out. Andy missed having Sam to ask questions. She had gotten used to sleeping without him, at least to some extent. She would never sleep an entire night, or feel completely rested, but it was easier now than before. At least until last night. She wondered if she had stayed, would she have woken up in Sam's arms this morning? Would they be OK? Still not regretting the fact that she went UC, she tried to let sleep overcome her. No matter what could have happened, she needed this. She was convinced she would never be happy if she did not go. She needed to prove to the world, or mostly herself, that she was a good cop. She did not need someone to hold her hand. As sleep finally got the best of her, one last thought crossed her mind. _I miss you, Sam._

* * *

As Sam stared up at his ceiling in his bedroom, thoughts started playing in his head. Did she leave because of him? Why would she not tell him that she was going? Why was Collins with her? He felt a small sting of jealousy, thinking about them in a small apartment, only able to talk to each other. He knew how lonely you could feel while undercover. He could only hope she knew how much he had actually meant those words he said to her. No matter what, he would wait for her. If only to be with her for a day, he would give up the rest. As sleep finally took over, a last thought crossed his mind. _I miss you, Andy._

The next morning he woke up feeling anxious. What the hell did he do? Did he really give the letter to Oliver? He threw the covers off, and started looking through the whole house. Oh, God he had really given it to Oliver. No, no. He could not do it this way. A letter, what was he thinking? He needed to get it back from Oliver. Now!

He showered quicker than ever before, and left the house without as much as a glass of water for breakfast. As he pulled up at the division parking lot, he saw Oliver get out of his car. "Shaw!" Oliver stopped and turned around. He had expected this.

"No, Sammy!" he said firmly, and then turned back around and kept walking.

"Oliver!" he growled after him, but Oliver just lifted his hand as an end of the discussion. _Crap._

Sam was stilled stationed at the desk, Best was not completely convinced that he would not go out looking for her if given the chance. The day was so slow that Sam could have stayed home and it would not have made a difference. As his shift was half way through, he saw Oliver come in for lunch, and decided to corner him in the locker room. And as on cue, Oliver went into the locker room. Sam hurried in, and just as he was about to speak Oliver turned around.

"No, Sam. You said not to give it to you, I'm not giving it to you! You can pull out your gun and shoot me, but the letter will still be given to her as you asked." Sam was stunned over Oliver's statement, and no words came to mind. When Sam had nothing to add, Oliver just stepped past him and went back out on patrol.

The rest of the shift kept getting longer and longer, and in the end Sam was nearly nodding off. Suddenly a cup of coffee was placed in front of him. He saw Nash's face nearly as sad and lost as he felt. "Figured you could use it." She smiled a weak smile, not quite reaching her eyes, and Sam knew exactly how she felt.

"Thanks," he grumbled and reached out for the steaming hot mug. Nash sunk down in the chair next to him, and they both stayed silent for a while. It looked like she wanted to say something, but she could not put it into words. He knew the feeling. It was the reason he had written. He could not put it into words when he saw her, words that made her understand, but he needed her to understand. He needed her to know that it was not the heat of the moment.

In the end she stood up, and looked at Sam. As he turned to face her he was stopped by the look on her face. "I miss her." Sam felt a lump grow in his throat.

"Me too, Nash. Me too." Sam did not have the words of consolation he knew Andy would have. He did not know how to make things better because that was her thing. Fixing people.

The drive home did not seem nearly long enough, so he took a detour by her house. Her windows were dark, and there were no sign of anyone being there. She was gone.

With the bottle of scotch standing on the table he took out his notepad again. He needed to feel connected to her in some way, and if the deed was done and there was no turning back, he might as well write her another one. _Dear Andy. Best put me on desk after you left. I think he's afraid I'm gonna do something stupid, and try to find you. I don't think he wants a repeat of the Brennan thing. Neither do I, so I'm not gonna look for you. I'm gonna wait. Nash misses you too, you know. She is just sad and I don't know what to do. Fixing people was kind of your thing. You fixed me…_

Sam kept writing for an hour, and found another envelope in the drawer. He sealed it and wrote a small two in the upper left corner and scribbled Andy across the front. He was actually doing this. As he went to bed, he slipped the letter into his workbag. He would give it to Oliver in the morning.

* * *

As Andy woke up, she felt the weight of the restless sleep on her shoulders. Sitting up in bed, she could see the day break through the curtains. In the kitchen she could hear Nick rummaging around. She dragged her feet out of bed, and headed for the shower. It was going to be a long day. They needed to talk more with Aaron York. Gain his trust. Andy and Nick, or Sally and Eric, needed an in so they could start doing their job. The faster, the better.

Andy was really nervous all the time. She was nervous about the way she looked, the way she talked, the way she acted. She knew she was supposed to play this seemingly innocent and trustworthy girl with the dark past, but all she could think of was; I am doing this the right way? Is this the way Sam would have done it?

"Morning," Nick said from the kitchen when she came out in the open living room. "Sleep well?"

"Nah, don't really sleep well in other places than my own." Actually that was not true. She slept well at Sam's, not that she would admit that to Nick.

"OK. Want some breakfast? I've made eggs." Nick motioned towards the frying pan on the stove.

"Sure." She grabbed two plates and cutlery and sat down at the kitchen table. "Are we going to the club tonight?"

"Yeah, I figured it would be the easiest way to get to him, you know? Sit down, have a few drinks, get into our past, and then give hints about us being ready to start over with him."

"Sure, sounds good." Andy replied before taking a bite of her eggs. She could do this. She could talk. If there was one thing she was good at, it was talking.

* * *

The next few days flew by uneventfully for Sam. Best had let him back out on patrol, but he was always paired with either Shaw or Williams, both with strict orders to keep him far away from looking for McNally.

As Sam and Oliver were driving slowly down a street, a call came over the radio. "1520, this is dispatch."

Oliver grabbed the radio. "1520 responding, go ahead dispatch."

The radio crackled to life. "We have a possible B&E at a storage facility up on 205 North Street. Neighbours complained about noise."

"Mark us en route." Oliver flipped on the lights as Sam stepped on the gas pedal. They drove in silence until the storage came into sight. Sam recognized it immediately. As they pulled up, and Sam killed the engine they heard gunshots inside. Oliver grabbed his radio. "1520, requesting back-up. Shots fired." Sam and Oliver made their way out of the car and over to the storage door. Sam nodded to Oliver right before kicking the door in. Oliver went through, and Sam followed closely.

As they rounded the corner they saw one man down, and another one, not more than eighteen holding a gun. Sam shouted firmly; "Police, drop you weapon" before stepping out around the corner. The kid looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck. He froze to the spot. "Put your weapon down." Sam had his weapon raised and pointed directly at the kid. Behind him, he could hear Oliver calling for an ambulance. Outside sirens filled the air. The kid was still frozen to the ground. "Just put your weapon down, and we can talk about this."

"I, I, I, I don't know what happened," the kid stuttered. Sam could tell he was confused, but he still had a weapon in his hand. He was still a potential threat. "One minute we were talking, the next he was on the ground."

"I know," Sam said calmly, but firm. "Just put down your weapon and we can talk about this, OK?" The kid still looked scared. "As long as you have that gun in your hand, he…" Sam motioned towards the kid on the ground. God, he could not be more than eighteen either. "He's not going to get help, OK?" That seemed to get through. "Slowly," he directed as the kid sunk down to his knees. Sam hurried over, and cuffed him. The paramedics came rushing around the corner, and Sam handed the kid over to Diaz who took him out.

"Nice work," Oliver said while patting Sam's back.

"Thanks," Sam muttered. He still could not understand how kids this young got to this point. How they ended up with gunshot wounds on concrete floors. They were supposed to be in school, not run around with, probably, illegal guns shooting one another.

As the place quieted down Sam once again recognized where they were. It was where he had yelled at Andy. The horrible memories setteling in his mind. He was blaming himself for Jerry's death, and took it out on her. Said he should not listen to a rookie's instincts. God, he wished he could take it back. Suddenly a thought dawned on him. What if she had taken the UC to prove something? To prove she was a good cop, and not the screw-up rookie who needed to be held by the hand. He could somewhat relate. It was part of why he had gone UC. Mostly the adrenalin rush, but also to prove himself, to show that he could do things by himself.

When he came home that night he found his notepad for the third time. _Dear Andy. Guess where I was today? Remember the old storehouse where I yelled at you because of your instincts about the non-existent brother? That's where. Sorry, about that by the way. That day I was so mad. Not at you, but myself. I was so mad thinking I could have saved Jerry, but I was also mad that I was relieved. Relieved it wasn't you lying on that floor. I think I somehow understand now why you needed to go. I believe you have this need to prove to yourself and the world that you can do this, that you can be a good cop. I just want you to know, I never doubted it. I've never doubted you, Andy. I never meant to blame you. It was not your fault what happened to Jerry, and neither was it mine. Anyway…_

He continued to write for a while longer, feeling like he had to tell her about his days to keep her close. At last he finished with what he now considered his signature; _Love Sam._

* * *

So, I know a lot of you wanted to know what was in the letter/letters, but I haven't quite figured it out myself yet, so until further notice you are all going to have to guess! Surprise!

I would be very happy if you would leave a review and tell me what you think. Throw me some ideas as well. Even though I don't use all of them, they still inspire me and give me other ideas.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Andy – Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue, any of its characters or awesomeness, but I have borrowed them and put them into my own universe. All mistakes are mine, unfortunately.

Thank you so much for your reviews, follows and favourites. You guys really know how to make a girl feel special!

* * *

As days turned into weeks, Sam fell into a routine of work, go home, maybe write, and sleep. He didn't write every day, only when he felt like there was something to tell. There was no point in boring her with stories of routine calls, like breaking up a bar fight. She would probably see enough of them while UC. Oh, God. Fights! Another thing he had failed to think of. He felt a lump growing in his throat. What if she got injured? He hoped to God that he had trained her good enough. That Nick would be there to help her. Not that he thought she needed help, but she somehow always managed to get herself into some kind of trouble.

That night he did not sleep well. All night he lay, tossing and turning, trying to get her out of his mind. When the clock passed 3 a.m., he got up. He needed to write something. _Dear Andy. You know you're making me restless? I started thinking about you not wanting to hear about me, and Epstein, breaking up bar fights, and then it hit me. Bar fights is not an unusual event while UC. I hope you're OK. Tell Nick I will beat the living crap out of him if he let anything happen to you. Sorry, about that, but I just need you to be safe, OK? I know you hate me being my overprotective self, but… I don't know. I didn't want to bore you, but now that I started writing I might as well tell you something in this stupid letter. Yesterday… _

Sam sat up for about half an hour, writing a new letter. He marked it with the number 6, and scribbled Andy across the front.

* * *

The music was pounding in Andy's ears. She could not see how people were able to talk above this noise, and the music was not very good either. Nick put his hand on the small of her back and gently pushed her towards the table in the far back corner. "Hey, guys!" Andy said with an overly enthusiastic voice. She did not know if they could hear her, but she faked a huge smile. They had gotten quite close, and if they were not completely mistaken they would get an in soon.

"Hey!" the guys shouted out. Aaron was surrounded by Carl, Jack, Marty and Jay. "If it isn't the wonder twins!" Marty grinned and almost put a hand on Andy's behind. Nick gave him a warning look, before tuning to Aaron.

Nick shook his hand. "You know it." Nick was able to put on this brave and kind of cocky façade, even though Andy knew he was nervous too. She was thankful Nick had come to her rescue like the protective brother, because she had a feeling that if Marty put his hands on her, she might snap and break his hand. And that would not look good. She had to make a mental note not to tell Sam, he would snap. Sam, oh God, why did he show up in her thoughts now? She had a job to do. There was no way she could be standing here daydreaming now. She shook it off, and tried to focus on the loud conversation. There were hardly limitations to the alcohol, but Nick and Andy had figured a way for them to look like they were drinking just as much, without actually having to. They had figured it was best to stay alert to some extent, if not completely. Andy chatted away about her supposedly old life, keeping whatever she could as close to the truth as possible. Nick and Andy listened to each other to keep up on the stories. They would not want to screw up because they had not heard an important detail.

The club kept getting more and more packed with people, and Andy saw Jack squirm a bit in his seat. There had just been a huge fight between two men, drunk as sailors. Apparently one guy had danced with the other guy's girlfriend. They figured Jack was Aaron's right hand man, and probably he just did not want the cops to show up to stop the fight. Jack was the strong and silent, but deadly type. Suddenly Aaron turned around. He whispered a bit with Jack, who gave both Andy and Nick the once over and nodded.

"You wanna join us in the back? We have some business to attend to." Aaron looked at Nick. Nick was caught a bit by surprise; he had not expected it to happen tonight. Maybe soon, but not tonight.

"Sure," Nick said like it was no big deal, but when they got up to leave he looked at Andy. Andy smiled and gave him a knowing look. They were in.

* * *

It had been two months now. 61 days, not that he was counting or anything. Oliver had nagged at him for a week, saying he needed to go out. Come to the Penny, watch people take it all out on karaoke night. Sam did not want to go. Not after remembering the last time he had been there. He had in some ways convinced himself that it was not entirely his fault that she left, but he could not help thinking about it. Had not been a complete moron, maybe she would be here with him right now?

"Sam? You're coming to the Penny tonight?" Oliver patted Sam's back as he passed and opened his own locker.

"Don't think so," Sam said avoiding Oliver's looks, and kept shoving his stuff in his bag. He saw the little, white letter with the number 7 in the top corner. "Here." He handed it to Oliver, who put it in his pocket. They had this non-verbal agreement not to mention the letters. They were simply there.

"Come on, Sam. I know you're in a funk right now," Oliver started, but stopped when he saw the look on Sam's face.

"A funk? Seriously?" Sam said, not trying to hide his amusement.

"That's what the teens call it now a day. You're not depressed, you're in a funk." Oliver stated unamused, and looked at Sam. "Can I continue now?" Sam just nodded, trying to stifle the low laugh.

"I know you're in a funk, but come on. Do you think she would want you to be alone? Coming out amongst actual people, and talking to your friends would be good for you." Oliver looked him straight into the eyes. "You know I'm right," he said before turning to leave. Just as he came to the door, he shouted back. "First round's on me!"

Sam knew Oliver was right, but it felt so wrong. If he was going to the Penny, he needed more than one drink to make it through the night.

As Sam entered the Penny, he saw Oliver at the bar. Epstein and Diaz were working it on the stage, singing for their dear lives. Andy should consider herself lucky not to listen to this. Oliver grinned as Sam approached, and sat down on the stool next to him. "A scotch for my brother, please," he yelled across to the bartender, who nodded and made his way over. "Glad you came," he said sincerely.

They sat there in silence for a while. It was not as bad as Sam had pictured, but something was missing. He had a hard time remembering a time when she was not here. Of course, a while she was here with Callaghan, and there was a while when they were not exactly close, but she had always been there. And if she was not, he usually knew where she would be, and if she was safe. Neither was the case right now.

He had always found himself staring at her, even when she was with Callaghan. Especially when she was with Callaghan. He never liked the guy. To ambitious. Didn't care if he had to stay till midnight, even though it hurt the people he supposedly loved. Especially Andy. Sam always had a feeling she was not completely happy, but if that was what she wanted, he would give it to her. If she asked for the sun, he would do everything in his power to give it to her.

"You wanna show them how it's done?" Oliver had turned in his seat, and motioned for the stage. Peck and Nash had just finished their song, and the stage was ready for whoever dared.

"No way, but you go get'em," Sam laughed as Oliver jumped off his chair and made his way over. "This one is to all the lonely hearts out there," Oliver said swiping his eyes over the crowd finding Peck, Nash, and then Sam before sending a prayer out to Nick and Andy. She had to come home.

The night flew by, and before Sam knew it, he had stayed there all night. "You OK there?" Oliver said, as Sam had this lost look on his face.

"I think I'm gonna go to St. Catharines tomorrow, and visit Sarah. Haven't seen her for ages." Sam looked distantly out in the open air. His mind wandered to Andy, and what she was doing now. He had a few days off, and figured he might as well go see his sister. If he did not do anything, he would just sit there and worry.

"I think that's a good idea. A change of scene for a few days. Maybe she could knock some sense into you." Oliver contemplated calling Sarah and tell her about the letters, but quickly dismissed the idea. Sam had done something to reach out, and Oliver had promised not to tell anybody.

"Yeah," Sam just muttered low, before emptying his beer. "See you later," he said as he slapped Oliver on the back on his way out. Oliver kept staring after him before, returning to his own beer. Andy had to be fine, she had to come home.

As Sam stepped through the door, all he wanted to do was sleep, but he felt like he had to say something to Andy first. _Dear Andy. I went to the Penny tonight. It was the first time there since you left, and I kept on wanting you to come through those doors. It felt like something was missing, and I think it was you. It's like, you were always there. Even when you were with Callaghan, you were still there. Sorry, I'm not even going to go there right now. Anyway, I'm going to St. Catharines tomorrow to visit Sarah. That reminds me, I need to call her and tell her I'm coming… Anyways, I'm going and maybe Oliver's right. Maybe I need a change of scene. I know you always wanted to know more about her, so maybe this is the time to share. I've told you about the attack, but it was not all bad growing up…_

Sam surprised himself by writing about his childhood. He never really told anyone about it, but right now it was so easy. He did not sign it, but rather folded it and put it in the envelope without sealing it. He had a feeling he might be adding more to the letter after seeing Sarah.

* * *

I just want to thank you for your reviews once again. It's such a motivation, so feel free to leave a comment, and idea or simply just your thoughts about this.

Hoping to keep the updates daily, but there might be a few days apart sometimes. A day does simply not have enough hours to so all the things I want. Sorry, this was so short, but I figured that it was better to give you something than nothing...


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – Dear Andy

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue, any of its characters or awesomeness, but I have borrowed them and put them into my own universe. All mistakes are mine, unfortunately.

So here we go with chapter 4. No Andy here, but hopefully you will forgive me.

Loving the reviews, so keep them coming. Enjoy!

* * *

Sam always loved driving his car, he loved his car. Or love was probably not the right word anymore, he liked his car. Love was saved for Andy now. The drive to St. Catharines was peaceful, and he could let his mind wander freely.

As he pulled up outside the house, Sarah came through the door. She waved, and made her way over. "Hey, baby brother," she said with a big grin showing off her Swarek dimples.

"Hardly a baby anymore, don't you think?" he said retuning the grin, and closed his door. "Hey, Sarah," he said pulling her into a hug. Sarah felt his strong arms wrap themselves around her, and knew instantly that everything was definitely not as OK as he had tried to convince her on the phone. As he released her she decided to let it slide for a while, but it would come up eventually.

She led him back into the house, and called for her children. "Mike? Tanner? Lissy? Your uncle's here!" Her outside voice clearly worked inside too, because as soon as she had called Sam could hear movement upstairs.

"Uncle Sammy!" the eight year old Mike yelled running down the stairs before jumping off the second to last step to fling himself into his uncles arms.

"Wow, boy. Eating is certainly no problem for you." He smiled at the boy before putting him down. The ten year old Tanner had his headphones around his neck and a hood pulled up over his head as he descended the stairs.

"Yo, uncle!" he said to Sam's amusement. Sam threw a look over at Sarah. She rolled her eyes and whispered; "Rap period. Last month it was rock. We had to buy him an extra pair of black trousers because he would not wear any other colour." Sam had to stifle a giggle as Lissy came down the stairs.

"Hey, uncle," she said with a defeated look on her face before giving Sam a hug. Sam made sure he squeezed her extra tight, and held on a second longer than usual. As she continued out in the living room, Sam threw a curious look at Sarah.

"She's in a funk," she said matter of factly, as she shrugged. "Obviously there was this boy who was supposed to go with her and some friends to this movie, but he had to go to some family thing."

"Funk?" Sam said with an amused expression on his face.

"Yeah. I think it's the new word for depressed or something, but she'll get over it. She's thirteen, what does she know?" Sarah said the same as Oliver. Sam just shook his head, and laughed.

"Good to see you guys again, Sarah." Sam threw an arm around her shoulder as they followed the kids to the living room.

The day flew by, and as they were just finished cleaning up after dinner. "If I'd known you would come I could have rearranged, but Tanner is going to a sleepover thing." Sarah looked apologetic at her brother. "Lissy is also gone for the night, she's going to Maddy's birthday party and I'm gonna drive her there, and pick her up later. If you want you can hang out with Mike. I think he has some new game to show you." Sam noticed this hint of worry when he heard her talking about driving Lissy. He knew her well enough to not bring it up, but he also knew she worried the same thing would happen to Lissy as to her.

"Sure," Sam smiled. "Wait! Maddy as in Maddy Sacks? As in Ray's daughter?" Sam suddenly remembered seeing her when she was this little baby curled up in her dad's lap. Sarah nodded. "God, when did she become that big?"

"About the same time as Lissy, if I'm not mistaken," Sarah laughed. The two girls were best friends, just as Sam and Ray had been back in the day. "Don't worry they're not as bad as you and Ray."

Sam grinned remembering the one time they had been out trick or treating. They had covered three houses with eggs and one with toilet paper. Man, Sam had never gotten yelled at quite like that ever since. They were just 8, but their mothers had been so mad. Sarah had told them they were sooooo childish. She was twelve at the time, and all grown up, at least in her own mind. Sam had adored her already then, but loved teasing her.

"We weren't that bad!" he said playing hurt. Sam knowing they were probably pretty terrible at the time.

"Yes, you were! You were every big sisters nightmare, at least until…" Sarah trailed off. She looked down at the floor.

"I know," Sam said calmly leaving the subject. He and Ray had lost touch a while after Sarah's attack. They had gotten together when they were adults, but it was never quite the same.

Sarah and Sam stayed up all night catching up. Sarah had decided to put off the "Rookie-theme", knowing it would be a fight to drag the details out of Sam. When Sarah had to drive Lissy, Sam would either play with Mike or sit alone drinking a beer, thinking about Andy.

* * *

As Sam went to bed, he pulled out the envelope. He looked through what he had written, and found a pen. _Arrived at Sarah's today. Talked, caught up. Staying here till Sunday morning, since I'm starting nights then. Remember I told you about Sarah getting attacked? Well, Lissy is the same age now. I think Sarah's worried the same will happen to Lissy, but that would be over my dead body. I suddenly remembered one of my childhood friends. I've never told you much about anything really, but his name was Ray. We were like two peas in a pot. Always in trouble, and not even your yelling can come close to one of the rants my mother had that one time. We had just gone out trick or treating…_

Sam wrote until he heard the door slam, and Lissy's sobbing voice. Sam threw the letter on the night stand, and hurried out in the hallway. "What's wrong?" he said anxiously as he saw the red rimmed eyes on the girl. Lissy released herself from her mother's arms, and threw herself at Sam.

"He… he… he's with Laura," she whimpered as the sobs grew into hulks. Sam looked confused at Sarah, who mouthed; "Boy problems." Sam nodded understandingly. It was more than once Sam had wanted to start crying, or at least hit something when he saw Andy with Callaghan.

"I know, sweetie. I know." Sam rubbed his hand up and down her back, and squeezed her tight. As her sobs subsided, he released her.

"Sorry." Lissy looked up at him with her big, brown Swarek eyes. Sam could not wrap his head around how anyone could choose another girl over this one,

"No problem," Sam winked at her. Lissy tried a little smile, and even though it looked kind of sad, Sam was proud of her for trying.

Sam woke up in the midst of the night, hearing low whimpers. He could not tell which room they came from, but he knew he needed to find out. He would not get any sleep knowing one of his girls was in pain. He just hoped the one he could not check on was fine. After checking up on Lissy, who had fell asleep choking her teddy bear, he knew where the sounds came from. As he stepped closer to the door he could hear them clearly.

"Sarah?" he almost whispered as he shoved the door open. "You OK?" Sam knew it was a stupid question.

"Yeah, I'm…" She trailed of as she let out a sob as she sat up.

"Fine?" Sam finished the sentence for her and sat down on her bed.

"Something like that," she smiled sadly.

"Wanna tell me what's wrong?" Sam looked lovingly at his sister. They were never good at this "sharing feelings"-thing.

"You'll gonna think it's stupid," Sarah looked away embarrassed. This was a different Sarah than Sam was used to. Usually she faced things head on, and was not afraid to pick a fight with someone.

"Try me," Sam said as he put his feet up and sat back next to her, backs against the headboard.

"It's just…" Sarah started carefully, treading the waters. "I'm just afraid something is gonna happen to her. It happened to me, and…" Another sob caught her voice for a minute. "Her father is gone, and I don't know how to protect her against everything." Sarah looked at Sam with such pain in her eyes that Sam's heart stopped for a second.

"Don't think like that, Sarah." Sam wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "She's a smart girl. She can defend herself. And when she can't she knows you'll be there, and I'll be there, and I know that Joe would be there too if he could." Sam's heart broke for a second thinking about Joe, Sarah's husband who had died in a car accident five years ago. They had learned to live with it, their hearts mending one piece at a time, but Sam knew Sarah would never love anyone like she had loved Joe. Like she would always love Joe.

"Thank you," Sarah said leaning into him. "I like to think he's looking down at us. Protecting her and the boys from up there, you know?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, me too." His thoughts wandered to Jerry, and he wondered if he as up there with Joe, watching over them.

* * *

The next morning Sam was woken abruptly by Mike jumping on to his bed. "Uncle Sam! Come on! You have to get up." When Sam made no move to get up, Mike started shaking him and he had a desperate look on his face. "Now!"

"Calm down, Mike. What's wrong?" Sam suddenly felt really awake.

"You have to come now!" Mike was already half way out the door.

Sam threw the covers off, and ran after him. "Mike?!"

"In here," Mike shouted from the kitchen.

When Sam barged into the kitchen, Sarah looked like she was about to burst with laughter any second. She handed Mike the pack of Nesquick. "Nice work, little man!" They high-fived and Mike grinned. That kid was only eight, but he was so much like his mom.

Suddenly Sam realized he only had his boxers on. He stepped closer to the counter so it covered him from the hips and up. Sam glared at Sarah, who still smiled like the sun. "Did you really bribe him to come wake me up like the world was coming down around me, just so you I would come out here in my boxers?"

"Mhm," Sarah grinned, showing off her dimples. "Plus, we're leaving in 30 minutes, and I figured it was the fastest way to get you up."

"Ewe, Uncle Sammy, that's gross," Lissy said while covering her eyes. She had just come down the stairs to see his barely covered body.

Sam ignored his niece for a second and turned back to his sister. "Nice, Sarah. Really mature of you," Sam said, before adding a sorry to Lissy.

"29 minutes!" Sarah yelled with a laugh from the kitchen as he made his way to the bathroom.

Half an hour later they were pulling out from the driveway. Sam had refused to let Sarah drive, and they had discussed t for what seemed like forever before Lissy interrupted.

"Geeze, you're worse than the twins in my class," Lissy muttered as she walked past and jumped into the back.

Sam gave Sarah a pointed look. The stared at each other for a minute, neither wanted to cave.

"Fine," she said holding out her keys. "But if you drive like a maniac, I will kill you."

"I know, relax. I'm a cop. I drive for a living." Sam smiled his best smile at Sarah, who swatted him on the arm.

"Show off!"

"Stubborn," Sam replied quickly rubbing his arm in pain. The girl could still land a few punches.

"Know-it-all," she said, daring him to reply one more time. Sam was just about to talk, when he was interrupted.

"Hey, you two!" Mike shouted from the back. "You stay silent, and you drive!" Mike stared at both of them. Both threw their hands in the air in surrender.

"You're the boss," Sam said nodding his head and stifling a giggle.

"Yes, I am. Now, take me to the zooooooooo!" He said as throwing himself back in his seat. Everyone, even Lissy, started laughing.

* * *

After a long day off zoo and go-cart, Mike was half asleep before they were done with dinner. Tanner had barely slept the previous night, so he went down just as easy. Lissy figured she would watch a movie and wallow in her boy-trouble, so Sam and Sarah were left to themselves.

"So, how's everything?" Sarah said trying to approach the subject of a certain rookie.

"Fine," Sam said neutrally, noticing how his sister was trying to sneak up on him.

"Fine? Really? That's all you're gonna give me?" Sarah said feigning hurt.

"There's really nothing to tell," Sam said unconvincingly.

"OK, then. I'll just call Oliver, and hear what he has to say." Sarah made a move to get out of the couch, but Sam stopped her grabbing her arm.

"Sarah," he sighed. "What do you want to know?" He gave up, if he did not answer he knew she would call Oliver, and somehow she would get the fact that he was writing letters out of the poor man.

"How is she? And more importantly, how are you two as a we?" Sarah wrinkled her nose at her phrasing.

"Us as a we?" Sam said grinning.

"You know what I mean," she said swatting his arm.

"Seriously, you gotta stop doing that. Someone will think I got beaten up or something." Sam rubbed his arm.

"Yeah, they better, and if you don't talk soon I'm gonna tell then you got beaten up by a girl, so spill!"

Sam contemplated what to say for a second. He had no idea where to start. "Well, right now there aren't a lot of we going on." Sarah looked confused at him. "She's UC," Sam explained a he saw Sarah's face soften at his words.

"Sam, I'm sorry. Do you know where?"

San shook his head. "For one they're not actually allowed to spread it all around, and two, Frank refuses to tell me because he's afraid I'll do something stupid and try finding her." Sarah stayed quiet, letting Sam continue. "It's not like we're together now. I screwed up big time after Jerry..." Sam trailed off for a second, and took a sip of his beer. "I may have said something like I can't be a cop and be with you, and that I should not have listened to her instincts." Sam stopped to see his sister's reaction. Sarah looked at him with big, compassionate eyes.

"I'm sure you didn't mean it that way."

"I didn't, but I never told her that. She tried to contact me, but I shut her out." Sam felt a lump form in his throat. He coughed and continued in his grumbled voice. "The day she went, this girl went missing. Andy found her, and took this grenade the guy had put into the girls hand. I kind of freaked, thinking I could lose her, and I said that I loved her while we waited for the bomb squad."

"You did?" Sarah exclaimed with a shy smile.

"Yeah, but here's the great part; I kinda screwed it again. She gave me an out saying it was OK because it was heat of the moment and all that, but it wasn't heat of the moment. As I was trying to convey that message, I may have tried to make a joke..." Sam trailed off avoiding his sister's gaze.

"Sam..." she sighed.

"I tried to fix it, I swear. I told her I would do everything, anything, but she got the offer to do a UC that night, and never showed at the Penny." There was a small hint of mist on Sam's eyes.

"So, what now? You're just going to wait for her to come home?" Sarah said confused.

"I don't know. She never said no, so I'm not sure if she would have turned up at the Penny had she not gotten the job. I don't know, Sarah. She might have moved on, but I still..." Sam looked at his sister. "I still love her, more than ever."

Sarah felt a small tug at her heart as her mouth curled into a small smile. "When Swareks love..." she said knowing Sam would understand.

"When Swareks love," Sam repeated and adding a silent _they never stop _in his mind.

They both stayed silent for a while, sipping their beers. Sarah had one more question, and figured the best approach was head on.

"So what about those letters you wrote?" She avoided his gaze, as his brows knitted together with his hairline.

"How'd you... Did Oliver say something?" Sam was kind of pissed. He had trusted Oliver to have his back.

"No, he didn't. I haven't talked to him since right after Jerry, and he said you were kind of in a bad place, and he was afraid you would do something stupid, like pushing her away for good." Sarah gave him a pointed look. "And as far as the letters go, I saw one on the night stand this morning."

"Oh." Sam remembered leaving it there last night. He had never folded it and put it back.

"Don't worry. I only read the first sentence. So, you're writing to her?" Sarah didn't want to be nosy, but she knew her brother well enough to know he wasn't about to spill everything without some encouragement.

"Yeah, I started the day after she had left. That's number eight, in case you wondered." Sam actually felt a bit relieved to have told Sarah. She knew everything about him, almost at least, and Sam had a hard time keeping things from her.

"OK," Sarah whispered.

They remained silent a while longer before Sarah got up. "Come on, Sammy. Time for bed."

Sam grinned. "Yes, mom!" He gave Sarah a quick hug. "See you tomorrow, and no bribing your kids!"

"Yes, dad!" Sarah grinned back.

That night Sam started letter number nine. _Dear Andy. I miss you. Sorry, about the way things turned out that night. It's been 63 days since I last saw you, not that I' counting or anything. I just wanted you to know that I'll always love you. It's like what Sarah said;_ When Swareks love..._ I never told you about Joe, did I? He was Sarah's husband... _

As Sam sat down in his bed and started writing, Sarah walked as silently as she could past his door and into the kitchen. After searching a few drawers, she found a notepad. He snuck back to her room, and started writing. _Dear Andy. I'm Sarah, Sam's sister. I don't know how much he has told you about me, but he has certainly told me a lot about you. I still remember the phone call I got the day you barged into his life. I mean barged in a good way, if you wondered. He was so mad, but I could tell there was something there. This rookie that had swept him of his feet, literally, was also stealing his heart. First and foremost I just wanted to thank you. Thank you for bringing him back to me. Thank you for making him stay. Thank you for healing hid hurt in so many ways I don't even know where to start. I know things haven't been perfect between you guys, but what I said to Sam tonight I will write to you too;_ When Swareks love..._ I know it sounds a bit odd, but I know one day you'll see the true meaning of that sentence. Anyways..._

* * *

So please, please, please leave a review. I would really like to hear your thoughts so far. They are such a motivation. Just write whatever, good or bad.

If anyone has any ideas to what might be good to incorporate in previous or future letters, please leave a review or send a PM.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Andy- Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue, any of its characters or awesomeness, but I have borrowed them and put them into my own universe. All mistakes are mine, unfortunately.

Thank you so much for your reviews! They're really a great motivation. I know I've said it before, but it's true. Some of you have expressed that it might be going to slow, so please leave me a review and let me know what you think.

So here we go, chapter 5.

* * *

It had been four months now. Christmas was a week away, and still there were no signs of her. Sam had written five letters over the past two months. The time apart had increased, since he no longer felt like repeating himself. That would just make for a lousy country song on repeat. Sam tried to keep the mood light, but still poured his emotions into the letters. He had decided that after the first letter was written, there was no point in hiding it anymore.

Sam had kept himself busy at work. He didn't want to think about Andy when he was locked in a cruiser with someone. If he accidentally spilled his secret, he would be screwed. He would no longer be Sam Swarek, the bad ass cop from fifteenth. He would be Sam Swarek, the guy who wouldn't stop pining for the girl he dumped in an alley. He would be the guy who never stopped loving the girl who left him after pouring his heart out.

Thoughts of Andy moving on without him were also a big part of why his letters became more and more sporadically. He could not stop writing, but he could not help think it was all over. She could have moved on, hell she could even have got together with Collins. That was a though Sam usually shoved way back, and drowned in scotch. Andy and Collins stuck in a small apartment, possible with only one bed. Playing this in love couple, and loneliness taking over by the minute. Sam knew how much you missed human contact. He knew how desperate you could get while stuck alone in an imaginative world. Because that was all it really was, an imaginative world created for your safety. The constant pressure to lie, and act the part was scary as well. It was not impossible that they sought out comfort in each other.

Slowly Sam pulled himself out of bed and into the shower. The days seemed so short now that darkness stretched into the day and crept up on you again before you knew it, yet Sam felt the days were endless. He rarely talked to people unless it was Oliver, and even though Oliver had tried his best to get Sam to the Penny, he had only gone a few times in the last months.

* * *

Andy felt there was a weight on her shoulder. It had been 124 days since she had seen or talked to Sam, not that she was counting or anything. So far the UC op had gone smoothly. They were in pretty deep now, and every day new bits of information fell into place. Even though it seemed they were doing alright, Andy was still scared they would get made. Her lying was as good as she could get it, and believe it or not, as Sally she was not that bad at it. Her acting had become more natural, and more often than not she and Nick would go by their UC names at home.

Home, Andy contemplated. It was weird to think of their one bedroom, cramped apartment as a home. The extra weight was also added on by the fact that Christmas was coming up. In a week, children would be unwrapping their gifts, parents would be looking down at them with only love in their eyes and people would drop everything to get a dinner and some alone time with the most important people in their lives. Andy's heart sunk thinking about her father and how he would be alone during the holidays. She always spent time with him then, even if she was working. This year would certainly be different.

She and Nick were planning on having a nice dinner, and then watch a movie or something. They were due to meet at the old warehouse on the second day of Christmas, but from tonight and until then they were free from any obligations towards the Aaron York-op.

"Ready?" Nick pulled up the zipper on his jacket and motioned towards the door. He had avoided all conversation about Sam and Gail. He figured it would only distract them. Even though he did not talk about it, he missed Gail. He missed her even more than he could have imagined. He knew she was probably off in Europe chatting away in French, although he hoped she missed him as much as he missed her

"Yup." Andy slid her gun into its place. She never actually had to use it, but it was nice to have just in case. And now that they had been accepted, no one would think twice about her and Nick carrying a gun.

Nick and Andy left the place, and made their way over to an old apartment building. They were finalizing some plans with York, as to how Nick and Andy would run a bar down town. The first shipment was coming in on the second day of Christmas, so after that they would have their work cut out for them.

"You nervous?" Nick looked over at Andy. She had this distant look on her face.

"No, I'm ready." Her answer was short and she seemed miles away.

"Sure?"

"I was just thinking about my dad," Andy said silently. "He's all alone this Christmas, and I kinda feel guilty."

"I'm sure someone will check up on him, if that's what's worrying you," Nick said comforting, knowing she probably would not stop thinking about it anyway.

"Yeah, but it's always been us, you know? It's weird not to see him during the holidays."

"I know me too." They fell silent as Nick kept driving. When they pulled up, Nick saw the transformation on Andy's face. She was a natural, and he hoped he was just as believable.

* * *

As Sam came into the barn he saw Oliver nodding distantly to Epstein who was rambling on and on about the bar fight he had broken up last night. When Oliver saw Sam enter the locker room, he just shut Epstein out and followed.

"Hey, what's up?" Oliver said with a smile.

"Got cornered there by Epstein?" Sam said with a smirk.

"Yeah, apparently he's a wrestler or something, but according to Noelle, he nearly got beaten up himself," Oliver chuckled.

"Here," Sam handed Oliver letter number 14.

"Thanks," Oliver just said and put it in his locker. Oliver still had no idea how to give them to McNally. He was not sure if knocking on her door with a stack of letters would be the best was to approach someone who just got back form an UC op.

* * *

Sam quickly got into his uniform, and sat down in the back of the parade room. He missed seeing Andy rush into the room last minute to sit down in the front. He missed seeing her ponytail dangling, and he missed the look she would give him when they were partnered together. At least the look she would give him when things were good between them.

Before he knew it, parade was over. As people were getting up to leave Sam heard his name.

"Swarek, can I talk to you for a minute?" Best was already heading towards his office.

"Uhoh, what did you do?" Oliver looked at Sam with teasing eyes.

"Nothing," Sam said confused.

"Well, better go find out then," Oliver said as he jumped off the table. "Meet you in the cruiser."

Sam actually had no idea why he was summoned to Best's office. For once he could not think of anything Best could yell at him for.

"Swarek, come in," Best said as Sam knocked. "Sit," he motioned for the chair.

"Frank?" Sam had a questioning look on his face.

"Relax, Sam. It's not bad." Sam released a breath he did not know he was holding. "After Jerry died, the D's office hasn't been quite the same." Sam nodded in agreement. "Since Callaghan is off to headquarters for the Dakota job, the other D's have been swamped." Sam had no idea of where Best was going with this. "As you know we have put off replacing Barber, but we need another pair of hands." Sam felt his fists clench. No one could replace Jerry. He knew they were swamped, but it just felt wrong. Just as he was about to protest Best kept on talking. "I would like for you to take his place, Sam."

"What?" Sam exclaimed a bit weaker than he intended to. He was completely taken aback by this request. "You want me to replace him in the D's office?"

"Yes," Best said firmly looking at Sam. He remained silent so Best kept talking. "If you don't want it we can find someone else, but I wanted to offer it to you first. You know the division, you know most of the detectives, and…" Frank trailed off and glanced down at his table. It was hard for him too. No one could replace Barber, and he had kept the white shirts off it as long as he could, but there was no pushing it now. He knew that if he did not find a replacement, someone would get a transfer into fifteenth.

Sam had no idea what to do. It felt wrong to take Jerry's place, but if he did not, someone else would. "Can I think about it?"

"Sure," Best said a bit relieved that he did not turn it down immediately. "Give me your answer after shift before you leave for St. Catharines." They shook hands and Sam left the Sargent's office in deep thought.

As he slid into the cruiser, Oliver sensed something was off. "You OK? Nothing bad, right?" Oliver could not help but think Sam had done something stupid in his quest for McNally.

"No," Sam said distantly as he pulled out on the road. Oliver kept quiet and waited for the rest to follow. The silence streched out as they went down one street, and up another.

"Frank wants me to replace Jerry in the D's office." Sam avoided looking at Oliver.

"Sam, that's a great idea!" Oliver exclaimed.

"I don't know, man. I don't know if I can do it." Sam kept his eyes trained on the traffic ahead.

"I can't think of anyone better to replace him, you hear me? Jerry would have wanted this for you. I can't even imagine someone else taking over his position. You know the D's, you now the cops, you know Traci. You can do this," Oliver explained.

Traci. Sam had not even considered what she might think about this. How she would feel if he replaced her husband to be. He knew he would have to talk to her, but he did not want to.

* * *

Sam wandered around in his own thoughts the entire week. It was his last shift before Christmas. He had asked for Christmas Eve and the first day of Christmas off so he could go to St. Catahrines. He was due to give his answer to Best today and he still had not managed to get himself to talk to Nash.

As the shift came to its end, Sam had to gather up his courage. He saw Nash go into the locker room, and followed her. There were no one else around, and Sam figured that probably was for the best. He had no idea how she would react knowing he considered replacing the love of her life. "Eh… Nash?" Sam said cautiously from the door.

"Yeah," she turned around with confusion in her face. Why was Sam here in the ladies locker room for her? He usually only came for Andy.

Sam had no idea of how to express this properly. "I talked to Best in the beginning of the week, and I wanted to come to you sooner, but…" Sam trailed off.

"OK?" Traci got nervous.

"He told me the D's office is kinda swamped these days, and he want's someone to take the available slot." Traci knew the D's were swamped. She struggled every day to get home just to see her son before he went down for the night.

When she did not answer, Sam continued. "He wants me to take Jerry's place," Sam said quickly, avoiding looking at Nash. He was mentally preparing for some kind of outburst. Crying, yelling, he did not know.

"Sam?" she said calmly, willing him to look at her. When his eyes kept searching the floor for something, she tried again. "Sam? Can you just look at me?" His eyes darted up, and she could see the surprise in his face when he saw the smile on her face. "I think that's a great idea!"

"You do?" Sam asked in surprise.

"Yes," she said in a motherly tone. "I can't think of anyone better to take his place. You know everyone, and you knew him."

"You sure?" Sam asked stunned by her response. He had expected yelling or crying, not acceptance. At least not this easy.

"Yeah, I'm sure. He would be proud of you, you know," she said smiling again.

"He would be proud of both of us," Sam said and smiled weakly.

After chatting with Nash a few more minutes, it was time to let her go home to her son, and Sam had to go to Best.

Sam was waved in before he even got around to knocking. "Swarek," Best said trying.

Sam sat down in the chair opposite of Best. He closed his eyes before making his final decision. "I'll take it," he said quietly.

"You will?" Best asked surprised. When Sam had not turned it down at first, Best had been relieved, but at the weak passed he lost his faith a bit.

"Yeah," Sam said calmly, but firm.

"OK, then," Best smiled. "You won't have your official title before you finish some night courses, and take the actual exam, but I don't think they'll cause any problems."

"OK," Sam answered neutrally. He had considered this the entire weak. He had gone back and forth, and up and down trying to figure out what to do. One big advantage would be that when Andy returned, he would not be on patrol with her. Maybe some professional distance was a good thing. A disadvantage would be that he would not be able to patrol with Oliver either. The final nail in the coffin had been Traci's blessing. Had she said no he would not have accepted the offer.

After signing a few papers and getting some more information about the night courses, Sam was ready to leave.

"Welcome aboard, detective Swarek," Best said smiling and standing up.

"Thank you, Sarge," Sam said returning the smile while shaking his hand.

When Sam came home that night he pulled out his notepad. _Dear Andy. How's everything? Hope you're not in any danger. Who am I kidding? You're running around playing a part, trying to get information from a low life criminal. Of course you're in danger. I was just writing to tell you I got offered a slot with the D's. I told them I would take it. They have been really swamped since Callaghan left for Project Dakota, so I'm replacing Jerry. At first I would not take it, but I talked to Oliver and Traci. She said he would be proud of me, but I know for sure he would be more proud of her. She's doing great, you know. Anyway, I wanted to wish you a merry Christmas. I know it's not the best time of the year to be UC, so many things to think about…_

Sam kept on writing till midnight. He had a lot to say. As he closed the letter and wrote a small fifteen in the top corner, an idea popped into his head. It was kind of crazy, but he wanted to do this for her and for her family. He called Sarah, and with not nearly as much persuasion as Sam had imagined needed, she agreed.

* * *

So, what do you guys think Sam is about to do?

Please, leave a review! Loving all your comments so far!


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Andy – Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue, any of its characters or awesomeness, but I have borrowed them and put them into my own universe. All mistakes are mine, unfortunately.

Thank you so much for reviews! They are just such a great motivation to keep writing. If I'm having a bad day I just look at them, and I'm back on top. Keep them coming!

So, here's chapter 6. I'm really nervous about posting this chapter because I know a lot of were disappointed in Andy last chapter. Hopefully this chapter will make up for my sins. Please, leave a review, it would make my day!

* * *

When Sam woke the next day, he jumped out of bed immediately. There was no time for sleeping today. After a quick shower he got Sarah on the phone.

"Sarah," she said sounding like she was in a hurry.

"Hey, it's me. You guys OK?" Sam felt a bit bad.

"Yeah, we're fine. It's just when your brother calls you in the middle of the night and asks you to come to Toronto the next morning you kinda need to pack. And my kids are not exactly early birds."

Sam could hear Sarah shout to her kids. "We'll be at your place around twelve if everything goes as planned here."

"OK, I'll call you later, and Sarah?" Sam stopped for a while, hearing her shout again.

"Yeah, Sam?"

"Thank you, really!" he said sincerly.

"No problem, talk to you later."

"Yeah, drive safe." Before Sam could finish his sentence, he could hear the beep.

He shoved his phone into his pocket and grabbed his keys. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

As Andy woke that morning, all she could think of were her dad and Sam. She hoped her dad had something to do today, and that he did not have to be alone. The clock on her alarm had only just passed seven, but she was wide awake. She decided to stay in bed. She still had not heard anything from Nick, so she figured he was sound asleep on the sofa. Getting up would only wake him, and she did not want to ruin his day by slammering in the kitchen at seven in the morning.

Having nothing to do did not ease her thoughts. Being alone in silence only made her think more. It made her think of whether or not she would have gone to the Penny. The feeling she had inside right now told her she should have kissed him right there and then and forgiven all sins, but she had been so mad, and so hurt that she did not know how to forgive him. Now she was not sure if he would ever forgive her for leaving, if he would even wait for her. It had been over four months now, and for all she knew he could have moved on. He could be celebrating Christmas with a new woman. Oh God, Andy almost felt the tears pressing behind her eyes. Sam had never been good with words, expressing his feelings or letting her in, but the night she left he had poured his heart out. He had given her everything she had asked for, and she left. Andy felt like slapping herself in the face. The reasons that seemed so good at the moment, still felt right, but they were not that important anymore. He was more important. God damn it, she thought as she heard some noises coming from the kitchen. Nick was up, and as Andy eyed the clock again, she realized she had been lying there for almost an hour.

* * *

With the biggest and finest fir he thought would fit into his house loaded up in his truck, he pulled out of the parking lot. He had a lot of other stops to make before going back home. The next one was the one he dreaded the most. As he pulled up and got out, he thought for a second that this was a bad idea. It was just plain stupid, but suddenly he found himself pressing the buzzer.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mr. McNally. It's Sam, Sam Swarek," Sam said feeling stupid.

"OK, come on up," Tommy McNally said unsure, and tad nervous. If Sam was here it probably had to do with Andy.

Sam took a few deep breaths before knocking on the door.

"Swarek," Tommy said as he opened the door.

"Hey, can I come in?"

"Sure," Tommy said swinging the door open.

Sam had no idea how to formulate himself. God, he should have thought about this before pressing that damn buzzer. Before he could gather the words, he was interrupted.

"Is everything OK with Andy?" Tommy sounded really nervous now. If soemthing had happened to his baby girl, he was not sure what he would do.

"Eh… Yeah. Or I don't know, but I hope so. I don't know much more than you do really, but…" Sam trailed off his rambling. He must have gotten that from Andy. Tommy looked even more confused now.

Sam drew a deep breath. "I was just wondering what you were doing tonight?"

"I don't know," Tommy answered honestly. "There's a dinner for the AA members who don't have families, so I thought about going there. Why?"

"I was just wondering…" Sam stopped for a second. "I was just wondering if you would like to come to my place for dinner tonight? I figured you would be alone, since Andy's not here, and I would hate for you to be by your self on Christmas Eve." Sam did not really want to look at Tommy, in case he would laugh or yell or hit or anything really. When there was no answer Sam kept on rambling. "There would be plenty of food anyways, and my sister is coming and yeah…" Sam stopped when Tommy just looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"Thank you, really, but I don't know…" Tommy hesitated. He did not want to be his former rookie's charity case.

"At least think about it, OK?" Sam pleaded.

"OK, I'll think about it," Tommy said with a small smile. He had admire the man for his efforts.

* * *

Sam kept on running his errands for the day, and just as he walked out of the grocery store his eye caught on something. It was this small pocket knife; resembling the one Jerry had gotten for Nash. Jerry had shown it to Sam before he gave it. Suddenly Sam had whipped out his phone. She answered after the third ring.

"Nash." Her voice sounded stressed.

"Hey, it's Sam." He could hear something break as it hit the floor. He could hear her murmur a few curse words, probably so Leo would not hear her.

"Hey, what's up?" He could tell she really did not have the time to talk, but she tried anyway.

"I was just wondering what you guys were doing tonight?" Sam said treading the waters.

"We're just having dinner the three of us, why?" her voice sounded curios all of the sudden.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to come to my house for dinner. Sarah is bringing the kids, so there will be someone for Leo to play with, and I invited Tommy so…" Sam was interrupted by Nash gasping.

"You what?" He could hear the smile form on her lips.

"I invited Tommy, he said he would think about it," Sam tried to sound neutral, but he knew that she could figure out his reasons for doing so without much effort.

"Let me just ask my mom, OK? I'll call you back." Traci could not think of a better way to spend Christmas right now. All she had done that day was to think about how Jerry was not there to spend it with them, plus the fact that Leo had just dropped the bowl of eggnog all over the floor.

"OK, talk to you later," Sam said hopefully.

In the instant Sam put down the shopping bags in the kitchen, he could hear obsessive knocking on the door. He hurried over, and pulled the door open. Mike flung himself towards his uncle, and Sam tumbled backwards ending up with the eight year old on top of himself.

"Hey, Mikey!" Sam said sitting back up. "Lots of energy today, I see," Sam grinned when Mike's dimples showed.

"Yep," Sarah said from the door. "A few hours in a car will do that to you, at least when your mother props you full of sugary stuff to keep you happy," she grinned innocently.

"Oh, you're such a great mom Sarah. Bribing your kids into doing whatever with sugar," Sam said jokingly while he got up. He gave Sarah a quick hug, before returning to the kitchen.

"So how many will show for dinner tonight?" Sarah was proud of her brother. He was doing everything he could for Andy while she was away, and when Sam asked her to come to Toronto instead so they could invite Andy's dad, she did not even have to think twice.

"Hopefully nine," Sam smiled his biggest smile hoping Sarah would not be mad he invited Nash and her family as well. Even though there were no actual links, Sam knew Nash was Andy's family as well, and at the same time he felt an obligation towards Jerry to take care of her and Leo. In addition, Nash's mom could be great company for Tommy, if he decided to take the invitation.

"Nine? Last time I checked we were six, what happened?" Sarah said curiously.

"I invited Traci Nash, Jerry's fiancée, her son and her mother as well."

Sarah's smile grew even wider. She knew her brother had been down after Jerry's death, and she was proud of him for stepping up and taking his brother's, well almost brother, family in as his own.

* * *

"Merry Christmas!" Nick exclaimed as she walked out from the bedroom. "I'm making pancakes, you want some?" Nick smile was big and bright, and clearly he was infected by the holiday's spirit.

"Yeah, pancakes would be good," Andy tried to smile, but it just did not reach her eyes. She usually loved Christmas, but this year was different.

"You OK?" Nick said, his smile fading away a bit.

"Yup, I'm fine," she said, knowing it was a horrible lie. Nick just stared at her. She knew that he knew she was lying.

"You sure about that?" he said tilting his head to the side.

Andy really did not want to talk about this now. "Yup."

Nick was getting tired of walking on eggshells when it came to Swarek. He figured it had to be now or never, she needed to get it out. "Why don't I believe that?" Nick said with a smirk.

"I don't know." Andy got defensive right away. She had not expected Nick to call her out like that. Of course he knew about Sam, he was her break-up buddy, but still.

"I think you're thinking about Swarek," he said matter of factly.

"Oh yeah, what would you know?" Andy was really mad in an instant and flew off her chair. She did not mean it, but so much frustration had built up in her over the last four months. She even surprised herself snapping like that.

"Because I'm having a hard time too!" Nick yelled back, causing Andy to calm down again.

"Sorry," she said, sitting back down. "I'm sorry, I know you miss Gail." She put her head in her hands.

"And you miss Swarek, but there's nothing we can do," Nick tried to reason with her. He needed her head in the game, if they were going to be able to get home as soon as possible. He knew she would never intentionally blow the operation, but if either of them were a bit out of it the whole thing could go up in flames right in front of them.

"I know," Andy whispered. "I just… I'm not sure I did the right thing here." Nick was surprised by her words. "I don't regret it, I think. It was the right thing at the moment, but now we have been gone for four months Nick, soon to be five, and we're not done yet. What if they have moved on?"

"I don't know," Nick almost whispered as her words sunk in. What if Gail had moved on? Found herself some French guy to sweep her off her feet.

Another silence engulfed Andy and Nick. Both caught up in their own thoughts. Merry, freaking, Christmas, Andy thought to herself as she chuckled a bit at her own stupidity. Merry Christmas.

* * *

An hour later, Sam heard his phone ringing in the hallway. "Swarek?"

"Hey, what time should we be there?"

"Let's say six thirty, sound OK?" Sams face had spread into a full size smile.

"Yeah, and Sam? Thank you!" Traci had been so relieved when Sam called. It had taken her mother some convincing, but in the end she wanted to make dinner even less than Traci did. And for Leo to have someone to play with was a big, big bonus.

"No problem, Nash," Sam said, his dimples on full display. He hung up, and let out a breath he did not know he was holding. Now all he needed was Tommy to say yes.

"Everything OK?" Sarah said as she stepped out of the kitchen.

"Yeah, Nash is coming."

"Great," Sarah chimed. "Now you got to help me with that damn pie, you know how I suck at this," she gestured towards the apron she was wearing.

"Fine," he sighed. "How were you really planning on making dinner tonight? Did you plan on waiting for me to come and make it for you, or did you expect me to eat your food again?" Sam made a grimace as he thought about the food from a few years ago. Sarah had burned the turkey, and the pie did not taste like pie.

"I was planning on your cooking, little brother," Sarah smiled. "No one makes a turkey quite like yours," she teased as he followed her into the kitchen.

An hour later the phone rang again. "Swarek?"

"Hey, it's Tommy McNally. Is that invitation still open?" Tommy hated being a burden, and to none other than his former rookie who also happened to be his daughter's former boyfriend, but he did not want to be alone. The people at the AA were nice, but he did not feel like spending Christmas with them. In addition he feared that if he was alone, he might do the one thing he was not suppodsed to, and he did not want to let Andy down again.

"Yeah, sure! Traci Nash is coming to with her son and mother, so the more the merrier," Sam said immediately regretting it. The more the merrier? Good God.

"OK, what time should I be there?"

"Six thirty," Sam said relieved Tommy did not seem to notice his words.

"See you then," Tommy said, and then hung up. He had to go find his nice suit, and since he rarely wore it, he had no idea where Andy might have put it.

* * *

Andy and Nick went out for a walk to calm their thoughts. Now that they had broached the subject, it was hard to put it away. Suddenly Nick's phone started buzzing. He looked at Andy, who just shrugged.

"Eric."

"Change in plans, meet me at the warehouse in an hour," Aaron York's voice penetrated Nick's thoughts.

"OK, sure," Nick said before turning to Andy. "Change in plans, we have to be at the warehouse in an hour."

"What?" she exclaimed. "I thought we weren't supposed to be there before…"

"I know, change in plans," Nick said, a bit nervous about how this was going to turn out.

They made their way back to the apartment to change, and gather their things. Andy's mind was working overtime. Why the hell would they be summoned there today when they were meeting up in two days? As far as she knew there were no major things happening now, they were only going to discuss how to progress later. She felt kind of stupid for doing exactly what Sam had told her not to do; over think it. Probably they were just anxious to get going, and did not want to wait. No harm in that when you are a low-life drug baron right?

"Hey," Nick said in his cocky UC persona's voice. "What's the rush?"

Andy came up beside him, and saw that everyone was gathered. Aaron York had a smirk on his face. "A change in plans, we're moving things forward, hope you're up for it." His eyes fell towards Andy, who for a while had been the innocent sister, but had proved to be more resourceful than Aaron York had thought.

"Hell yeah," Andy said grinning. Maybe this was the big break they were waiting for. They had a lot of information, and frankly Andy was surprised about that, but they had nothing that would be the final nail in the coffin. They needed something big. Maybe this was the chance to close this up, so she could go home and try to fix what she abandoned.

* * *

What did you think? A lot of you were on to me about Sam inviting Tommy for Christmas. Hopefully I didn't disappoint you with his chapter.

So, leave me a review. Dying to know what you're thinking!


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Andy – Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue, any of its characters or awesomeness, but I have borrowed them and put them into my own universe. All mistakes are mine, unfortunately.

I'm so happy that there are so many of you who are engaged in this story. The reviews are still an amazing motivation so keep them coming.

So sorry my updates are so irregular at the moment, but I simply have not had the time to write anymore. A bit of a writer's block is not helping either, so here is a new chapter for you. It's not very long, but I needed to get an update out.

* * *

_Aaron York had a smirk on his face. "A change in plans, we're moving things forward, hope you're up for it." His eyes fell towards Andy, who for a while had been the innocent sister, but had proved to be more resourceful than Aaron York had thought._

_"Hell yeah," Andy said grinning. Maybe this was the big break they were waiting for. They had a lot of information, and frankly Andy was surprised about that, but they had nothing that would be the final nail in the coffin. They needed something big. Maybe this was the chance to close this up, so she could go home and try to fix what she abandoned._

"There's a shipment coming in on Friday. I want you two to be there to take it in. I could use you there since I'm a few down at the moment."

There fact that Aaron missed a few people was not a secret. It was actually the reason for Andy and Nick to be sent on such short notice, but that was four and a half months ago. Andy thought he might have replaced them, but obviously he thought about them as replacements. Sure, they had been in on some minor deals, but nothing as big as this. They had a lot, but nothing that would really bring a big guy like Aaron York down. Busting him with this shipment, would be more tan enough to put him in prison for a long, long while.

"Sure, what do you need us to?" Nick said, his smile showing.

"You two are gonna run my bar out west, you know the place right?" Nick and Andy nodded. "The shipment is a part of the stuff we're gonna sell out of there. It would mainly be a cover, but I figured you, sweet heart, could sell a little while running around with drinks." Aaron's eyes giving her the once over was making Andy physically ill, but she managed to smile her innocent smile. "Mainly you will be arranging meetings for me, and setting up so we can get the products out to our street dealers."

Andy was shocked about Aaron giving them this much responsibility. "I trust my wonder twins, don't let me down!" Aaron smirked. Andy knew how deadly he was if you screwed up. She had seen the pictures.

Andy and Nick stayed there the entire night, getting details about the shipment. Andy made a mental note of everything, both to be prepared for the shipment, but also so she could give as much information as possible to their handler. She wanted her friends at fifteenth to know as much as possible before they went in. She figured they were the once who would be sent, considering they were in the midst of their area, and she did not want anyone of her friends to get hurt because she did not tell them what to expect. As Aaron kept talking Andy thought about how it would be to face Sam. After so much time, was he still waiting for her, or had he moved on?

* * *

Exactly six thirty Sam heard the knock on the door. As he swung the door open, Tommy McNally was standing there in his suit.

Sam let him in and took his jacket. "I'm glad you came," Sam said sincerely.

"Yeah," Tommy said insecure. "I don't want to be your charity case or anything, just so you know." Tommy looked Sam straight into the eyes.

"You're not. I just figured you would be alone, and we have more than enough food…" Sam trailed off when he saw Tommy's gaze did not flicker.

"You're not doing this just for me, are you?" Sam's eyed jolted open in surprise. "You're doing it for Andy, right?" Tommy McNally still had detective skills even though he had been off the force a while. Sam just stared at the man. "I'm getting old Sam, not stupid." With that he went past Sam and headed into the house. He could hear Sarah greet the man behind him, but Sam was still shocked over Tommy's honesty.

Just as he was about to turn around, another knock sounded. As Sam opened the door, he saw Traci and her mother. Leo was hiding behind his mom. "He's kinda shy in other peoples' houses," Traci whispered.

Sam squatted down, so he could look at the boy. "Hi,I'm Sam."

"I'm Leo," he whispered from behind his mother.

"I know. How old are you then?" Sam thought he was around the same age as Mike.

"I'm seven and three quarters," the boy said a bit louder.

"You're seven and three quarters, well then you're a big boy. You know who else is around your age?" Sam said smiling to the boy who just shook his head. "My nephew Mike. He's in the living room watching TV with Tanner and Lissy. You can join them if you'd like?" Leo looked at his mom.

Traci nodded, and before Sam knew it Leo had dispersed of his jacket and shoes, and was sneaking into the living room. As he went along the wall and checked every corner, Traci stifled a giggle. "He has a thing for James Bond or something. He and Jerry used to sneak around the house along the walls," she explained when Sam looked at her with a questioning look.

"Here, let me take your jackets," Sam smiled, and greeted the older lady. She looked like an older version of Traci Nash only a bit rounder at the edges.

* * *

The dinner flew by faster than Sam had expected. It was actually nice, but he felt like something was missing, and he had a pretty good idea what that was. Or rather who that was. He could not help letting his mind drift off to Andy. He wondered what she was doing, if she was safe, when she would come home. If she would come home. Sam was stirred out of his thoughts when Sarah kicked him under the table.

"Ouch!" Sam whispered as he saw Sarah nudge her head over to Tommy.

"I heard you took the position as a detective," Tommy said. "Good to see you finally taking on some real work." Tommy had been a detective for years. "Don't become like that, eh… What's his name?" His eyes drifted over to Sam.

"Callaghan?" Sam questioned.

"Yes, that it! Don't put your job on top…" Tommy looked at Sam with a seriousness Sam rarely had seen on his face. Sam was pretty sure he was referring to Andy. Was Tommy on his side?

"Yes, sir."

As the dinner ended, they made their way out in the living room. The three women placed themselves in the sofa, and the men in each chair. Sam was lost in his own thoughts again, and did not really pay attention.

"Look," Sarah said nodding head so Traci would turn. Her mother and Tommy was in deep conversation, and occasionally she would laugh and he would smile at her.

"I think they like each other," Traci giggled. She thought her mother deserved to be happy. Traci's dad was long gone, and she had been alone with Traci and Leo all these years. If becoming friendly with Tommy McNally was what she wanted, she would not be in her way.

Around midnight the guests started saying their thanks. Sam carried a sleeping Leo out in the car.

"Thank you, Sam," Traci said putting a hand on his arm. "It was really nice of you to invite us."

"No problem, Nash," he said as Traci got into her car, and they drove off.

Sam made his way back into the house, where Tommy was just at the door saying his goodbyes to Sarah.

"Nice meeting you," Tommy said as he was wrapped in a Sarah Swarek hug.

"You too, Tommy. Take care!" she smiled and made her way back to the kitchen.

Sam handed him his coat, and just before Tommy left he turned back to Sam. "Don't screw this up this time, Swarek. Last chance." Tommy locked his eyes on Sam and gave him a firm look, before turning and leaving Sam standing there speechless. Had Tommy just asked him to go after Andy?

Sam helped Sarah clean up, and as they were doing the dishes Sarah spoke. "Did you see Mama Nash and Tommy? They were awfully nice, don't you think?" Sarah wore a big smile on her face.

"Yeah, sure," Sam said still lost in his own thoughts. Did Tommy really say that?

"Hello, earth to Sam!" Sarah splashed some cold water in his face, and he starteled.

"What the hell was that for?" he exclaimed.

"For standing there thinking about a certain woman, and not listening to me!" Sarah said grinning. She knew his brother was in love, but she had never seen him this lost.

"Sorry," Sam muttered and kept cleaning the plates.

As Sam went to bed that night, he figured he would have to write to Andy. He wanted to tell her about Christmas, and involve her in some way even though she seemed far away at the moment. _Dear Andy. Merry Christmas again! Hope you at least had the chance to get some kind of celebration, I know how you love the holidays. Sarah came up to Toronto, and I kind of invited your dad, Nash and her family to eat with us. I just wanted to do something for you. I figured you didn't want your dad to be all alone, and I love you so… At least he thinks I'm finally taking on real police work by becoming a D. He was on to me though, by figuring out that I did it for you. God,I wished you could have been there. He was all flirty with Mama Nash. _

* * *

As Andy got through the door and shut it, she whirled around to Nick. "Did we do it?"

"I think so!" Nick said grinning. "Let me just find the phone, and we can set it up, and then we can celebrate."

Andy was smiling from ear to ear. This was the best Christmas present ever. She was going home. It was a bit bittersweet, because she had no idea what to expect, but mostly she wanted to go home and fix what she had broken.

"Hey, it's Eric," Nick said into the phone. "We've got some news for you. You might wanna gather up some people, because I think we're ready."

Andy thought to herself; three more days. Three more days, and she could go home to the people she missed so immensely. Three more days and she would figure out if it was all worth it.

* * *

So, please leave me a review. I promise I will try to be efficient, but I don't know when the next update will be. Feel free to pitch me some ideas so maybe I will feel the creativity flow though my fingers…


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Andy – Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue, any of its characters or awesomeness, but I have borrowed them and put them into my own universe. All mistakes are mine, unfortunately.

Again, thank you for your reviews. I love them!

Sorry, I'm so slow at updating, but my life had been crazy these last weeks. Unfortunately this had to affect something, and writing was shuffled down on the priority list.

Hopefully, you'll like this chapter. Love reviews, so keep them coming! The story has gotten nearly 100 reviews, so thank you!

* * *

Sam was woken by the ringing of his phone the next morning. He let his hand fumble on the table without opening his eyes, and grumbled into the phone. "Swarek."

"Hey, it Best. I know it's your day off, but I need to talk to you for a minute. Can you come down to the station?"

"Can't we do it on the phone?" Sam was close to whining, but controlled his voice.

"No, I think it's best if you come down," he said in a serious voice.

Sam felt more awake when he heard Best in his serious mode. "Is something wrong?" he said more worried than he had planned on.

"No, nothing's wrong, I just need to talk to you," Best sounded calm enough for Sam to relax a bit, but there was something Best was not saying.

"I'll be there in an hour," Sam said and hung up. The clock had just passed seven thirty, but there was no way he was going back to sleep now.

Sam parked his truck in the division parking lot exactly eight thirty. He went straight for Best's office. His pace increased as he saw the back of a certain blond detective. As he was about to raise his hand to knock, Best waved him in.

"Swarek," Callaghan said neutrally.

"Callaghan," Sam nodded in acknowledgement. "What's going on?" he turned to Best.

"Andy and Nick called in yesterday, we're ready," Luke said.

As Sam remained speechless, Best explained. "The bust is going down on Friday, so we don't have much time."

"They're done?" was all Sam could ask.

"Yes," Best's mouth twitched into a small smile, before going back to his neutral boss-face.

"I want in," Sam said leaving no room for discussion.

"I know," Luke spoke up and turned towards Sam. "That's why I asked Frank to call you." Sam was confused. Did Luke want him in on this? That would be a first. "It would be easier just to involve you right away, than to have you go play hero in the midst of it," Luke shrugged. Luke did not intentionally act like an ass towards Sam. He had accepted the fact that he would not have a chance with Andy anymore. He was quite unsure about putting her under when he heard Sam the day she went, but she would have said no if she did not want to go. Luke only knew that having Sam where he could at least have some control would be easier than him figuring out on Friday and coming to play Rambo.

Sam immediately understood. Luke wanted him on a leech. "Fine," Sam agreed. He would take any opportunity to be involved. "What do you want me to do?"

* * *

Friday morning Andy woke up feeling the nerves grabbing a hold of her. Today was the day. She was going home. Not home to a crappy UC apartment, but home as in her own bed. She had a feeling she would be facing a certain man too. She prayed to God that everything turned out alright tonight. A small tingling feeling had started in the pit of her stomach last night. It had become more distinct through the night. It had developed to big birds flying around, almost making her sick of anticipation and worry.

* * *

Friday morning Sam woke up even more nervous than the night before. Tonight he would see her again. He hoped to God he would be able to hold her again, but just seeing for himself that she was OK would make his day. He was due to turn up at the station in two hours, and finalise the plans for tonight. Sam was surprised by how much Callaghan actually included him. Sure, Sam would get a dirty look if he said something clever or if he got a bit to bossy for Luke's liking, but he felt involved and that was most important.

"Hey, there!" Sarah chirped as Sam stepped into the kitchen. "Ready?" She and the kids had stayed even though it did not fit the original plan. Sarah did not want to leave Sam alone these days, because she knew that if he was alone he would not be able to take his mind of Andy. Even though he still would be thinking of her, at least he would not sit there worrying the whole time.

"Yeah," Sam sighed as he poured a cup of coffee. "I guess I am."

"It's gonna be fine, you know," Sarah said smiling softly at him. This was definitely not the time to tease him.

"I sure hope so," he muttered. She put a hand on his shoulder.

"Sam," she waited for him to look at her. "It's gonna be fine."

Sam chuckled a bit at her choice of words. "You know that's what she says, right?" Sarah looked a bit confused at him. He sighed and explained. "Fine. That's what she always says, especially when everything is anything but fine."

Sarah nodded understandingly. She knew that Sam would be on edge, picturing every possible scenario until he was actually there. No, he would picture every possible scenario till it was over. Until he had her safe and sound right in front of him, his mind would not stop working overtime.

Sam felt a bit stupid actually. The whole night he had been playing it out in his head, overthinking every single detail. "What if…" had echoed through his head over and over. There was not one thing Sam had not imagined happen. He just wanted her back safely. He wanted her back to him. He wanted her.

"When are you leaving today?" Sam said to force his mind over to something else.

"I figured we would stay till after you're done at work today." As Sam opened his mouth to say something, she cut him off. "Yes, I know it's probably going to be late, but I wanna check up on you before we leave, OK?"

Sam did not have the energy to fight his sister today. He knew it would take a lot of convincing, actually there was nothing he could say at this moment to change her mind. "Fine," he grumbled.

* * *

"Swarek, you're in charge of team 2. You'll be going in from the east side." Sam nodded as he listened to Callaghan. They had not exactly been bonding, but they had an understanding of some sort.

Luke kept on going with everyone's assignments as they prepared for the night. The shipment was coming in around 11p.m. They would be in positions from 9:30 p.m. just to make sure everything was as planned and just wait.

A few hours later Sam was gearing up, and strapping on his vest. "You ready?" Shaw said and slapped his back.

"Yeah," Sam said a bit more confidently than this morning.

"Good." Oliver went over to his locker. Even though he had a weird look on his face, Sam did not seem to notice. Inside Oliver's head the thoughts were spinning. Andy was coming home. One way or another he had to find out how to give her the letters Sam had written. He was reluctant to bundle them up, and hand them over to her. He had no answers to the questions she might ask him, and he did not want to ruin it for Sam.

* * *

Andy was tapping her foot rapidly to the floor. She had packed her bag, and was ready to say goodbye to this crappy, sad apartment. She was more ready to go home, and she her dad, Traci, her friends, but most importantly, Sam. She needed to tell him. Tell him she would have shown. After thinking about it every night since she went, she was more and more convinced that she would have gone. As much as she wanted to, she still did not regret the UC, but she regretted not telling him she was leaving, not giving him something to hold onto. Again, the thoughts of him moving on caused her heart to stop for a fraction of a second. It would ruin her.

She looked herself over in the mirror. She had lost some weight. Her skin seemed paler, and her eyes were a bit tired. She felt tired. She had hardly had a good night's sleep in the last months. As she looked herself over again, she scrunched up her nose. She looked like herself, but a tired, skinnier version. After giving herself a once over several times, she put her gun in its place. It was time to go home.

"Ready?" Nick said holding his bag.

Andy sighed. "Yeah, I'm ready."

* * *

Sam sat inside of an unmarked surveillance van, and looked at the screens. His team was waiting for the target and his crew to show up. Aaron York. Sam had heard about him, and he had seen the photos. They were not pretty, and Sam winced by the thought of Andy being remotely close to him.

"Target moving in," crackled over the radio. On one of the screens Sam could see two cars pull up at the designated warehouse. A few minutes later another car pulled up. Suddenly Sam felt his breath catch in his throat. He would recognize her everywhere. As she stepped out of the car, he saw her scanning the area. She would know that there were cops all around. He hoped that she was as good an actress as she was while she played Edie. Nick stepped out of the car two. Sam felt his heart sink as he put an arm around her shoulders and led her towards the warehouse. Sure, it was a part of her role to cuddle up to him, but it still felt wrong.

* * *

"Ready to go, sis?" Nick said as he laid an arm across her shoulders. Andy swept her eyes across the parking lot, and the surrounding buildings. She thought she saw something move on a rooftop, and she was sure the place would be crawling in cops in no time.

"Yup," she answered, popping the p. She could not help but wonder if Sam could see her now, if he was here. She both hoped he would be, and was desperate for him to stay far away. One, she did not want him to get hurt. One did not mess with Aaron York without signing up for one hell of a fight. Two, she did not know how she would react to seeing him. She was worried that her act would crumble if their eyes met, and she would blow her cover. That would not go well.

* * *

A while later the radio crackled again. "Teams, move into positions." Sam opened the door of the van, and his team lined up. Sam nodded his head, and they moved along the walls as a group, gathering around the east entrance.

"Do we have a visual?" Sam said in a low voice into his radio.

"Target is in the room. Waiting for exchange."

Sam was almost tapping his foot in anticipation. He had seen a glimpse of her on the screen in the van, but he was not sure how she really looked now. He guessed she would be tired; UC could be exhausting even though there were days you hardly did anything. The mental bit, and always keeping up appearances, was so draining, and he hoped that she had managed to protect herself. Not only from physical harm, but protect herself from changing. You could get closed up and tense being under, and in some cases people lost themselves completely. Sam wanted _her_ back. Not some empty shell looking like her. He wanted the McNally fire and spirit he loved. Even though he did not always show it, he would not want her any other way.

"Teams, get ready. Standby for signal."

Sam's head perked up as he heard the radio. The time had flown by while he was lost in his thoughts. He hoped to God everyone was ready, because he would not hesitate to beat the living daylights out of anyone who screwed this up.

"Three, two, one…" Sam kicked the door in at the same time as the surrounding teams.

"Police, do not move!" was shouted out along with other commands. As soon as the doors were busted in, the room was in full chaos. People running around, Sam could hear shots being fired. His eyes swept across the room. His heart was beating faster and faster with every second it took to find her. He heard a low moan of pain, and even though the noise around was so loud, Sam would have recognized it everywhere.

He saw her sitting up against a wall, a gun in her hand. Her eyes were scanning the room. Suddenly her eyes found him coming towards her. Her eyes widened, and she felt her heart skip a beat.

Sam wanted to run to pick her up in his arms, and never let her go, but he needed to keep up appearances. He lifted his gun slightly so it looked like he almost aimed at her, but he was careful to keep it far from actually pointing at her. "Mam, drop your weapon," he said in a stern voice. He saw her wince as she moved her arm to put the gun down beside her.

Sam could still hear shots behind him, but they were fewer. He threw a quick glance around the room. All suspects were either being handcuffed or cornered by officers with their guns trained on them. He did not know if anyone had ran, but he did not care at the moment.

Andy had put the gun down, and was looking in Sam direction. She avoided meeting his eyes. She could not do it here. Not yet. It would be too obvious if they saw her reaction. Her heart started beating even faster when he came closer. He kicked her gun away. "Get on the ground, mam," his voice was firm and authoritative, but he has another edge e sis not usually use with suspects.

Andy tried to move, but the pain shot through her ankle, and shoulder. She had been tripped in the commotion, causing her to twist her ankle and land on her right arm. She winced as she got down, and onto her stomach. She heard Sam put his gun away, and gently put his knee on her back for show. He took her left arm and cuffed it, but he stopped as soon as a whimper escaped her lips when he touched her right. "Sorry," he mumbled under his breath so no one else could hear.

He got her up to a standing position, and cuffed her wrists in front instead. He gently tugged on her arm to get her to follow him out, but she had not even put her weight on her foot before it gave in and she felt herself falling forward. She closed her eyes, and waited to hit the floor, but it never happened. She felt Sam's hands wrapped around her waist and left arm, holding her up. After he had straightened her, he called out for a medic.

"Officer, that's not necessary," she started protesting trying to avoid using his name. He gave her a glare, and she shut up. She was not going to win this one either way, and she really did not want to put any weight on her foot.

Two medics came rushing towards them with a stretcher, and Sam motioned for her to get up. He uncuffed her injured arm, and linked her to the gurney instead. "Her shoulder is beaten up, and her ankle is twisted," Sam said looking at the medic next to him. Andy kept her mouth shut. She had no idea what to say. There were so many things she wanted to tell him, but now was not the time. Their eyes met, as she was rolled away. She saw his lip tug slightly on one side, and her heart fluttered. She allowed her own mouth to show a small smile just as she disappeared through the door.

Sam was left in the building with a ton of police officers, as he saw Andy disappear though the door. His heart had cringed when she whimpered. She had gotten hurt. Yes, he knew it was probably just a sprained ankle, and possibly a dislocated shoulder, but anyway. As she rolled out, he saw a small smile tug at her lips, and he felt his heart skip a beat. She was back.

* * *

So, hopefully you liked this chapter. She's back! Don't know if I've gotten all details round a bust completely, so you just have to forgive me that one…

Please, leave me a review and let me know what you think.

If there is anything you fell should be included in a letter, or _the_ letter (first one) from Sam, please PM me and I will see if it fits with my plan. Having a hard time getting all his (mine) feelings stuffed into words.


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Andy – Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue, any of its characters or awesomeness, but I have borrowed them and put them into my own universe. All mistakes are mine, unfortunately.

* * *

_Sam was left in the building with a ton of police officers, as he saw Andy disappear though the door. His heart had cringed when she whimpered. She had gotten hurt. Yes, he knew it was probably just a sprained ankle, and possibly a dislocated shoulder, but anyway. As she rolled out, he saw a small smile tug at her lips, and he felt his heart skip a beat. She was back._

After she disappeared around the corner, Sam just stood there. He wanted to run after them, be with her. He wanted to whisper in her ear, make her smile. The place was still buzzing around him, but he did not pay much attention. The amount of people was overwhelming either way, and they would call him if needed.

Sam went over to where Andy was sat, and bagged her gun. Someone else could have done it, but he needed to compose himself before getting out of the building. If some of the suspects were still out there, he may risk blowing Andy's cover and he was not about to do that. Yes, they were done, but there's always someone looking for revenge and it's easier just to make them believe Andy went to prison.

Sam had not seen Nick, but no one looked like they were about to freak, so he figured he was OK. For a moment Sam wished it was Nick who had fallen over instead of Andy, and that he could be the one rolled out on a gurney, but that was his McNally; always finding trouble.

* * *

Andy felt her smile fall as she lost sight of Sam. She was sure his lips were tugging a bit at the end. She winced as they rolled over a hump causing her arm to shift. She mumbled a few curse words under her breath, and pulled herself together. She saw Nick standing over by a squad car ready to be loaded in. He was OK.

"Mam, where does it hurt?" Andy was pulled out of her thoughts.

"Ehh… Ankle and right shoulder," Andy said, trying to divert her thoughts back to the medic standing over her. "Ohhhhhfddf9 h God!" Andy whispered as she drew in a shaky breath. The medic had just put her hand on Andy's shoulder. She squeezed and Andy swallowed a whimper.

"It's not dislocated, so you should be fine in a couple of days. It's probably just bruised from the encounter with the floor. I would take it easy though, try to keep it still." Andy nodded. "We're just gonna take you in to the hospital and check it out, make sure we did not miss anything. Maybe give you some painkillers." Andy was about to protest until she heard the part about painkillers. "Your ankle is beat up to, but it's not broken. We'll just give you something for support, and all you can do is wait."

Andy groaned. "Wait? What does that mean?"

"It means no running, no long walks, try to stay still and let it heal." The medic gave her a stern look as Andy groaned again. She did not want to be on bed rest for a week. The parking lot was almost empty of squads now, since most of the suspects had been transported away. The medic lent in a bit closer. "It's going to be fine officer; you just have to take it easy a few days. It's not bed rest, but it will only take longer if you don't let it heal, OK?"

"Yup," Andy answered a bit relieved, and then she remembered something. "How did you know I was a… you know?" The last part was a whisper.

The medic chuckles a bit. "I've never seen Sam Swarek treat a suspect from a bust so carefully, and believe me I've seen a few busts…" She stops and then leans in closer. "Plus the way he was looking at you, and giving me orders. I could tell he cares about you, so I guessed." Andy felt her cheeks heat up into a blush. It had been a while since that happened, and she got a bit flustered.

"Does this mean I get to go home?" she looked hopefully at the lady, trying to change the subject.

"After they have checked you out at the hospital, yes."

"OK." Andy was about to say something else, when Sam stepped out of the building. She could see him searching the parking lot. His eyes stopped when they found her. He started walking towards her, but to Andy's disappointment he stopped beside Luke.

Andy was ripped out of her thoughts when she was attacked by a hug. She whimpered, and the hugger quickly drew away. "I've missed you so much," Traci breathed as their eyes met.

"I've missed you to, Trace," Andy said smiling.

"Need some company?" Traci motioned for the ambulance, and the medics who were about to load Andy in the back.

"Sure," Andy smiled. She was not sure if she had hoped Sam would possibly join her, but she knew that was a long shot. He probably had other things to do, and who knew? Maybe he had moved on. The medic had said he cared, but all the officers were like family. And she was his rookie, so he could just be overprotective, right? Somewhere inside Andy hoped the medic was right; that Sam still cared about her. Even though they were not together now, Andy would try her damn hardest. She whimpered as the gurney made a sudden movement. She would try her damn hardest, after she gets those painkillers.

* * *

Just as Sam stepped out his eyes searched the parking lot. He knew she was safe, but he needed to know she was OK too. As he laid eyes on her, he saw her looking back at him. God, she looked so tired. She was skinnier, paler and her eyes had lost some of that McNally spark. Sam thought he saw if for a moment back inside, but now he was not so sure. It could be just a momentarily joy of being done. It was so liberating knowing you could sleep in your own bed tonight.

He had started making his way towards her, when he was stopped by Callaghan.

"What?" he growled, earning himself a dirty look from Luke, before the blond detective's mouth curled up into a smile.

"Oh, lighten up! We got everyone, and everything. We just need your statement, since you were the one to arrest McNally."

Sam really wanted to be with Andy. He was not sure if she would let him join her in the ambulance, but he could just say he was the arresting officer, right? Say that she was in custody, and they could not let her go alone. Before Sam could respond, and get away from Callaghan, he saw Nash attack Andy with a hug. He saw them exchange a few words before Nash motioned towards the ambulance. _Oh, crap._

As he saw them get in, he saw Andy cringe as the gurney moved a bit too sudden. He closed his eyes, did not want to see her in pain. "Fine," Sam huffed to Luke. "Back at the barn?" Luke just nodded, and Sam headed to find a car to take him back.

Before he could get very far, Shaw pulled up in a squad. "Need a ride?"

"Thanks," Sam replied before sliding into the passenger side.

"You OK there?" Oliver sounded a bit worried. Sam kept staring out the window at nothing.

"Yeah," Sam breathed.

"Sure?"

"I don't know."

Oliver gave up on questioning Sam, knowing he would not get any more out of him. As they pulled up at the barn, Sam was out of the car and headed to the locker room before Oliver could get another word out. Oliver was already done with his shift, and had changed before heading back to pick up Sam. He locked the squad and put the keys away.

As he got into his own car, he saw the pile of letters lying in the seat next to him. He pulled out of the division parking lot, and turned right. He knew how to do it now.

* * *

Andy winced as the doctor wrapped a bandage around her ankle. The pain in her shoulder had disappeared due to painkillers, and now it was just numb. Traci was sitting beside her, letting Andy squeeze her hand tight when the doctor tightened the wrapping.

"You OK?" Traci said looking worried once the doctor was done.

"Yup," Andy said tightly.

Traci chuckled. "You sure about that?"

"Nope."

"OK, let's get you home, shall we?" Traci stood up and offered Andy her hand.

"Can we just stop by the station?" Andy hoped Sam would still be there. They had not been at the hospital that long had they?

"Sure, sweetie." Andy took her hand, and the nurse handed Andy a couple off crutches.

"It's gonna be difficult before your shoulder is healed properly, but you refused to get a wheel chair, so…" the nurse said, looking at Andy like she was going to change her mind about that chair.

"OK, I'll manage," Andy said forcefully. Her act was put down by her wobbling and wincing when she leaned on her new helpers, but she refused to be linked to a chair. Even if it was just for a few days.

After a mixture of humping down the hall, and leaning on Traci, she managed to get into the car. She sighed as Traci turned towards the station. She was really tired, but she could not help to hope that Sam was still there.

Traci could not help but wonder why Andy was quiet. She was never quiet. Did something happen during the UC? What was she thinking about? Suddenly it hit her. Sam.

"What's on your mind?" Traci said slowly trying to approach the subject.

"Nothing," Andy replied without thinking about it. It had become a force of habit, just answering short, meaningless answers. It was easier to protect yourself that way. If they saw you hesitate, they would know. Andy was almost caught one time, but Nick had managed to cover it, barely.

"Andy, you're quiet. You're never quiet. Did something happen?" The worry was thick on her voice.

"No, nothing I couldn't imagined beforehand at least." Andy thought about the last months. "I'm just tired, that's all."

Traci wanted to say something about Sam, but she did not want to involve it their relationship. Not now. They needed to figure this out on their own. Few minutes later they pulled in at the division parking lot.

Before Andy could get out, Traci was there to help her. Andy huffed at herself, annoyed that she did not manage the crutches properly. It took some effort, but they finally made it inside.

"Want me to wait for you?" Traci questioned as Andy sat down on the bench in the locker room.

"No, I'll be fine. Just go home to Leo, we'll talk in the morning," Andy smiled. They hugged again, before Traci reluctantly left the room.

Andy stood up on her good leg, and made her way over to open her locker. She pulled out a clean set of clothes, and started undressing herself. The pants were no problem, but the top was more difficult. Only moving her shoulder slightly, was more than she could handle. She was about to look for her phone, when the locker room door opened.

"Need some help?" Noelle said in a motherly tone.

"Yes," Andy said releasing a breath. She did not want to ask for help, but she needed it.

Noelle med her way over, and sat down next to Andy. "I'm glad you're back. We're all glad you're back."

"So am I." Andy managed a small smile.

"Ow," she moaned as Noelle started removing her top.

"Sorry," she whispered, trying not to hurt Andy more than necessary.

* * *

Sam had seen Andy come into the station. He felt so bad for her seeing her in pain, leaning on Nash. He had seen them go into the locker room, and Sam had no idea where to go or what to do with himself. He could not go home, not while she was here.

A few minutes later he saw Nash come out of the locker room. Traci saw Sam leaning up against the wall a bit further down the hallway. "She's fine. Her ankle is sprained, and her shoulder is beaten up. It's not dislocated though, so it should be working within a few days." Sam let out a breath he did not know he was holding. "She had a hard time using the crutches though, because of her shoulder." Sam nodded distantly. He was just staring at the door. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whipped his head at Nash. "She's fine, Sam. It's OK." Sam nodded again, as Traci left leaving him standing there.

A few more minutes passed, but Andy did not come out of the locker room. Sam was a bit worried, even though he knew she was probably changing or taking a shower. But how would she manage that whit her shoulder and ankle? Sam was about to push off the wall when Noelle walked by, and into the locker room. She would kick his ass if he went in there now.

Sam had waited another ten minutes, when he suddenly heard a familiar voice.

"Sam? You OK?" Sarah hugged him before handing him a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, fine. Just tired, that's all." Sam said his eyes barely leaving the door.

"She's in there, right?" Sarah said knowing Sam. He nodded, and took his eyes off the door focusing on Sarah.

"We're going now..." Sam was about to interrupt when she held up her finger. "…and yes, I know it's late, but I have slept several hours and have so many cups of coffee that I would not be able to sleep if I wanted to." Sam just shook his head, and smiled a bit. "Take care, and get her back, OK? I want to meet her one day."

"I'll try," Sam said knowing with himself he would try until he was sure there was no way in hell he would have a chance with her anymore. Right now, he had no idea where he stood, but he had to try something.

"I'll miss you," Sarah said softly pulling him into a bone crushing hug.

"I'll miss you too," Sam said hugging her back. None of them had noticed the brown haired woman in the door to the locker room, looking at them with tears treating to spill out of her eyes.

* * *

Seeing him wrap his arms around the dark haired woman, saying _I'll miss you too _probably hurt Andy a lot more than she thought it would. Of course, she knew there would be a possibility of him moving on, but he had said he would fight for her. Fight for them. This was not fighting for them.

Andy cursed herself, as she felt her eyes tear up. No, she was not going to cry. She managed to compose herself, and when she looked up again, the woman was disappearing around the corner, her dark hair swaying behind her. She was probably beautiful, Andy thought.

She started to hump her way down the hall, letting the pain in her shoulder replace the pain that was aching in her heart.

"Andy," she heard his voice yell after her. "Andy, wait up."

Sam caught up to her in no time, her being kind of disabled. "You need a ride home?"

Andy looked around to see if there was anybody else, anyone, to ask for a ride home. She cursed herself for sending Traci home. Noelle had left ten minutes ago. There were only people Andy did not recognize, and she really did not want to get a cab.

"Yeah, thanks," she finally managed to say.

"Here," Sam said as he let Andy lean on him, supporting her weight. He let her take her time, walking her over to his truck and helping her in.

Andy felt uncomfortable the whole way. She had gathered up the nerve to say something since she left, or since she came back. She really did not know, but seeing him with someone else, just knocked all her courage away again. She kept staring out the window, even though she could sometimes feel Sam's gaze burn into her skin.

They pulled up at her apartment, and before Andy could say thank you, Sam was on her side helping her out. He helped all the way to her door, and she felt his eyes bore into her neck as she unlocked the door.

She stepped inside and turned to Sam who looked at the floor, his hands shoved down the pockets of his jeans.

"So…" he let his eyes up to meet hers. "Do you need any help, or…" Sam trailed off, tearing his eyes from hers again.

"No, I'm good. Thanks for the ride," she said, holding on to the doorframe for support.

"OK, I guess I'll see you alter then."

"Yeah," Andy sighed feeling the tension.

"Bye, McNally." Sam turned and walked away.

"Bye," Andy whispered, and closed the door. She grabbed her crutches, and humped across her living room, and over to her kitchen. She was going for the fridge, but something caught her eye. On her kitchen counter was a bunch of letters. They did not look like bills, and had not come by mail. Andy looked closer, and suddenly she recognized the scrawl on the front. Sam.

* * *

So, what did you think? Please leave a review, they make my day!


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